Butterflies (boyxboy)

Chapter 24: Restraint

"You make mistakes, you hopefully learn from them, but probably make them again."

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"I meant what I said Tamesh." Blake says as he stops walking when they reach the front of Tamesh's shop.

"About what?" Tamesh asks as he leans back against the shop front. He knew what Blake was talking about, but he just wanted to hear the words again, just one more time.

"I do like you and ..." he steps closer to Tamesh, reaching for his hand to intertwine their fingers. "If and when you want to talk about it, I'll listen."

"Thanks." Tamesh replies. He looks down at their connected hands. On looking back up, he sees Blake admiring his face. The eyes seemingly scanning him as if not to miss anything.

"You should do a self portrait you know." Blake says, his voice going down an octave as he speaks. "Your eyes are hypnotic, your lips are so full, your nose..."

"Ok, that's enough now." Tamesh shuts down Blake's words of admiration. "You don't need to go overboard."

"Just being honest. That's all I can be." Blake replies, raising his eyebrows in all innocence as he repeats the words Tamesh had once said to him.

"I appreciate your words Blake, I do." Tamesh begins.

"But what?" Blake now feels that apprehension as if Tamesh may backtrack. Would he crawl back into his pit of denial?

Tamesh takes Blake's other hand. "This is new to me. All this. I mean I've not let someone else invade my thoughts like this before and..." Tamesh closes his eyes as he says the last few words. "I've never admitted to anyone what I said in my studio. Not even to myself."

"I can be patient." Blake says, squeezing the hands in his grasp. "I want to be here for you Tamesh."

That feeling washed over Tamesh once again. The one which he had previously questioned, which he had refused to let himself feel, but now the urge to fight it was just a little less. Tamesh opens his eyes and lets the feeling in, only a little.

He looks at Blake and slowly leans in, with Blake doing the same, meeting him halfway. His eyes once again flutter close as he feels the gentle press of warm soft lips on his own.

The kiss felt slow, delicate, as if made from the finest porcelain. Too much pressure and the moment would fracture. The tenderness was something Tamesh had never felt before. He could feel his heart beating against his chest as the lips of Blake moulded to his like a delectable puzzle piece. Soft, warm, wet... and tasting of garlic.

Tamesh almost feels light headed as he pulls away, his eyes open, trying to regain focus. "Was that ok?" He asks, nerves in his voice as he subconsciously bites his lower lip.

Blake smiles at the artist, leaning forward to press a light kiss on his left cheek. "Perfect." He says, whispering in Tamesh's ear, making Tamesh feel a shudder down his spine.

Tamesh lets go of Blake's hands and turns around in the small personal space they had created in order to open his door. As he turns the key to step inside, Blake automatically follows. "Uh, what are you doing?" Tamesh looks over his shoulder at Blake, who slightly bumps into Tamesh's back.

"I'm coming in...I assumed...."

"Well don't assume!" Tamesh turns around, now facing Blake. He sees the disappointed look on his face and feels he needs to explain.

"Blake, I'm really thankful for you for today, I really am, but what we did the other night, that wasn't me...I mean it was me, but it wasn't. That's not how I want you to see me." Tamesh's shoulders slump as he takes a sigh. "I'm not making any sense am I?"

Blake takes a step back. "I'm sorry, I just thought..." He thinks back to what he had already said to Tamesh. "I said I'd be patient and I can be." He hopes he hasn't blown up his efforts and is relieved to see a smile grace Tamesh's face.

"I need to get this right Blake. It's important to me."

"Understood." Blake nods, smiling back, as he steps back out of the shop door. "I'll be back tomorrow." He adds as he takes steps backwards down the street, watching Tamesh as he leans against the doorway, before turning around and heading around the corner.

Tamesh then just stands there for a moment in silence, taking in the cool evening air before his senses are distracted by more footsteps approaching.

He looks across to see Alfie, mouth agape, looking at Tamesh almost in shock. "Get inside, you've got some explaining to do!" He says as if he's angry with Tamesh as he pushes his friend inside his own shop.

"What the hell Alfie!" Tamesh complains, with Alfie only stopping when he reaches Tamesh's studio out back.

Tamesh manages to turn on the light and moves away to turn and face his friend. "What was that for Alfie?"

Alfie holds his hands up to his sides a little in disbelief. "I could ask you the same question Tam!" He begins to point in the direction of the shop. "The model. You just kissed him and pushed him away!... actually, let me start again.... since when have you two been that close?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you Alfie." Tamesh goes to turn away, but Alfie pulls him back around by his shoulder.

"Hey, I know you don't have to explain anything to me, but Tam, in all the years I've known you, I've never seen you get close like that with anyone, let alone that God with whom you've already seen completely naked. I just wanna know, as your friend." Alfie looks at Tamesh with warmth, which in turn makes Tamesh rekax a little. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a confidant and Tamesh couldn't deny that his friend had plenty of experience.

"Yes we may have kissed..." he begins. "But I just don't want to rush things, I nearly messed up already as it is."

"How have you messed up already?" Alfie questions. "The guy was dying to follow you in, he seemed more than keen."

Tamesh sighs heavily. "That's just it Alfie, there's a part of me I just can't control when I'm feeling...um...."

"Just say it Tam! When you're horny." Alfie says, a cheeky grin spreading across his face. "And what's so wrong with that huh?"

Tamesh can feel his skin heat up in embarrassment. "I just want to get it right Alfie, that's all."

"You watch far too many Disney movies." Love isn't a smooth road, where you find your prince charming and get married. You make mistakes, you hopefully learn from them, but probably make them again." Alfie leans forward, placing a hand on Tamesh's shoulder. "Let yourself go a little Tam. Do what you wanna do, not what you think you should do."

Tamesh looks down at his shirt. He had so much to learn. Maybe that chaste encounter the night of the party wasn't a mistake after all.