Have you ever wondered what your past life was like? If reincarnation is real, how was our life before? Were we the same?
Sun Williams had a reincarnation type of experience, but she didn't exactly die.
If the person you love the most has the chance...
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Defeated.
That's how I feel the moment I put the paint brush down and look at what I just created.
I knew it wouldn't be long until I was back in this situation. It doesn't matter how much I was trying to stay away from reality, it finally hit me.
The more I look at what I have created, the more it hurts.
The mix of blues, going from light blue to a darker one.
The fading.
The sinking.
The way the water only gets deeper and scarier. It's just like my mind, the more I think the darker it gets.
The mind is like an ocean and I'm drowning on it.
I close my eyes not wanting to look at it anymore.
I knew the consequences of putting a paint brush on my hand. But now that I have to face them, I'm weak once again.
I put my head down looking at my lap. My hands are covered in a mix of blue paint.
The light from the sunrise it's coming in from the small window and I turn my head to see the sun coming out realizing that once again I've pulled an all nighter trap in my own pain.
Last night I couldn't sleep, my head was all over the place. When I called Andrew to come over he said he was caught up in the office. He tried to sneak out and come over, but I told him not to.
I tried watching Tangled, but it didn't work.
I tried reading, but failed too.
So I finally caved in and went into my studio here at home. And clearly it didn't work either, it just made things worse.
This room is not as big as my studio in the gallery. I have it when I want to spend some time painting here at home or when I want to go and paint in the backyard during the summer.
I look at the painting in front of me. The faded mix of blues and how they get darker, darker as my fears. The light white at the top assembles the sunshine. And the woman sinkin, drowing, in her own sorrows and pain.
That woman is me.
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