City Lights and You

00

All my life I've been questioning my existence. Why I am here? Why am I suffering? Why do I have to feel this? Am I a bad person to feel this kind of pain?

But I don't get any answer.

Life isn't fair.

I felt the unfairness of it, the inarguable injustice of love.

How about love?

What is love?

Love is everything.

Love.. Something that feels good to feel again and again. Pain or happiness, I'll live for love.

But then.. Until when?

Not until I realized that..

Sometimes holding on does more damage that letting go.

It's suffocating.

"Don't you think it's unfair, Willy?" I asked him.

He shrugged and face me, "As for me, yes. You know.. I can't even tell now that I've known you for years. You've changed. A lot." He answered.

I chuckled and sip on my vodka. They don't get my point here. Parang wala silang alam sa nangyari. Mali ba na gustuhin ko na lang na akin na lang iyon?

"We are supposed to." Seryoso kong sabi sakaniya na lalo niyang ikinailing. I laughed. Silly.

Kinabukasan ay tanghali na kaming nagising dalawa. He cooked a lot of food and told me na darating sina Krystal at Penelope to join us for lunch.

I took a bath and finished everything I have to do and packed things that needed to work. Naririnig ko na ang ingay nila sa labas. Kinuha ko ang kwintas ko at nilagay iyon sa bag ko bago lumabas ng kwarto.

Naabutan ko silang nakaupo na at inaantay nalang ako para kumain. Naagaw ko ang atensyon ni Krystal kaya napangiti ako. "Ay oh, fresh ang ate mo," tatawa tawang aniya.

Nilapag ko muna ang gamit ko sa sofa bago umupo sa tabi niya. "Ang dami mo namang dala?" tanong ni Penelope.

Ngumiti ako bago sumagot. "E kailangan.."

Nagsimula kaming kumain. Si Krystal ay hindi matigil ang bunganga kakakwento sa ex niyang si Elvin na nakita raw niya kahapon na may kasamang babae.

"Naka move on na ako mga teh.." paulit ulit niyang sinasabi kahit wala namang nagtatanong.

"Naka move on ka na pala eh, bakit andami mo pa ring hanash?" seryosong tanong ulit ni Penelope.

Nanlaki ang mata ni Krystal nang magets ang sinasabi ni Penelope. "Hoy! Grabe ang judgmental mo, Penny! Naka move on na ko. Promise! Ikaw ba Beatrice kapag nakita mo si Aidan anong mararamdaman mo?"

"I didn't feel anything at all. It was unexpected." I said.

"Didn't?!" sigaw ni Penelope.

Tumayo ako dahil tapos na rin naman akong kumain. Kumuha ako ng pagkain ni Adi at binalewala ang tanong nila.

"Nagkita kayo?" ngayon ay mas maayos na ang boses niya. Ngumiti ako bago tumango. "Nagkita sila kahapon. Sa hospital." si Willy ang sumagot para saakin.

Nagtoothbrush muna ako bago bumalik sakanila. Nakaupo na silang lahat nang datnan ko. I knew it. Wala na rin naman akong choice.

"We met yesterday." I started. I looked at Adi who's busy chewing his food. "Her daughter had a dengue and was rushed to the hospital." I continued.