Worth It

My Finny || Odafin

PRESENT DAY

I feel old all of a sudden, the job has lost it's draw. However Liv will stay until her dying day and I can not leave her alone, therefore it looks like this is where I too will stay. I just hope and prey that one day she wakes up and realizes there is so much more than just this job, that she has so much more to give.

I put on my leather jacket and grab my shades before heading out the door of my apartment. I am going to meet my son for lunch as I haven't seen him in a few months. I head down to the restaurant and catch my son getting out of his car and giving his husband a kiss before moving towards me.

"Ken." I call.

"Hey dad. How you holding up?" My son always so caring and concerned about his father. He gets that from his mother. Maybe not the caring part cause I believe he got that from the both of us however he always voices his concerns. I just hold back and keep my feelings and concerns inside, just ready to pick up the pieces once they break.

"I'm tired son, just tired." He is the only person I can be truly honest with and not feel like I am putting all my feelings onto him. Kenny is the strongest person I have ever know. Being a black, opening gay man in New York has got to be the hardest road to walk, yet he does it with such grace and continues to stay true to himself.

"Shall we go inside and talk about it dad?" Just nod my head and stride through the front doors of the burger joint. We sit down in silence, order and then wait for our food to arrive. I tear at the napkin in front of me, a nervous habit I have always had but rarely show. It makes me feel weak, it makes me look weak and we can not have that. I am a New York City Cop I am not weak. "Dad what is going on?"

I look up at him and flash him a small smile, "Hows Alejandro? You guys still looking into adoption?"

He narrows his eyes at me, knowing I am trying to avoid the conversation about Peyton. Our burgers are place in front of us and I immediately start picking at my fries, trying to avoid eye contact at all cost. "He is good, and yes we have been talking to Liv about the process. There are these beautiful twins we are looking at adopting but obviously they are skeptical."

I take a bit of my burger taking sometime before giving him a response, "yeah. I can't believe that people are so judgmental. One day people will get over it. I came to terms with it, one day the rest of the world will too."

"I don't know about that dad, but at least some people are trying."

"Yip, I guess they are." I mumble under my breath before taking yet another bite from my juicy burger.

"So dad, Peyton?"

"What about her?"

"How you holding up?"

I lean over the table as I hold my burger, making sure all the juices fall onto the plate and not on my lap, "I'm fine." I bow my head and sigh before putting my burger down and leaning back in my seat with my arms folder across my chest. "I'm trying to stay strong for Liv and Noah, but it's hard. I loved that girl Ken."

"I know dad. I heard Elliot came back, isn't he there for Liv?" I can see the sadness in Ken's eyes as I look at him, I just shake my head.

"Elliot had to go back to New Orleans, I don't even think he knows. So trying to make sure Liv is in one peace and not working to hard," I breathe out, "It's just a lot of work, and doesn't give me time to miss her." Ken just sits there and lets me talk. "She was so sweet, and so loving. She was funny and would make me all this food Ken, she would right up my notes. Not cause I was going to work her shift or help one of her 'friends' out, but cause she wanted to."