LETTER

LAUREEN

To the man who promise to marry me,

It has been 3 years since nangayari ang lahat. You were my best gift that I am always thankful for. You gave me hope whenever I feel down, you gave me your most encouraging smile that whenever I am afraid to take risk you will just nod and make me continue pursuing what I've thought I couldn't reach.

You were my goal planner na kapag nasobrahan na ako sa kaka-aral papagalitan mo ako, na kapag hindi naman ako nag-aral sa tuwing may quizzes kinabukasan ay sesermunan mo ako. Kapag nagkamali ako sa mga bagay-bagay you will be always there to make me choose the right things. You cared, na kapag nalipasan ako ng gutom hindi mo na ako kakausapin buong araw dahil gusto mo lagi akong nakakain sa tamang oras.

Your I love you, will always make me calm and at ease na kahit ano mang mangayari kinabukasan ay okay lang dahil mahal mo ako, mahal natin ang isa't-isa kaya magiging okay din ang lahat.

You were the person who never stop on believing me. Na kahit paulit-ulit akong nagkakamali you are still there at my back, giving me the support and help. You were my greatest motivator that when I lost you, I know I will also lost everything.

Hindi ako kailanman nakaranas ng perpektong pamilya. I was raised by my mom and I am with no one kasi palagi siyang busy sa trabaho para matustusan ang mga pangangailan naming dalawa. But you came, you came and you save me from the lonely self I have been. You made me the happiest.

Pinalaya mo ako sa kalungkutan at pinasaya mo ako ng sobra-sobra. Ang dating ako na walang buhay ay nagkaroon ng pag-asang maging masaya and I am thankful because he gave me you.

Gustong-gusto ka nga ni Mama e, kasi ang sabi niya you were the perfect guy for me, kasi marunong ka raw mag-alaga and Mom told me she read in your eyes how in love you were to me. At paulit-ulit niya akong sinabihan na huwag-huwag na daw kitang pakawalan dahil minsan lang daw may dumating na kagaya mo, and I am happy hearing those words from her for she had got herself broken because of my father, but she saw you differently.

We had an almost perfect relationship, we may had the lover quarrels but at the end of the day, palaging natatapos ito sa mabuting usapan.

We've promise to each other that we will end in church. Sa simbahan ang tuloy-iyan ang plano nating pareho pero iba talaga ang plano ng diyos para sa ating dalawa. We've promised a lifetime partnership but it turns out, it would be you, with someone else.

Ang lalaking akala ko ay habang buhay kong makakasama ay sa iba pala talaga mapupunta. I thought we will be each others lifetime partners. I thought I would be Mrs. Arevalo but I wouldn't. And would never be.

The news from your Auntie telling me na bakit sa iba ikakasal si Gian? Bakit kayo naghiwalay Laureen?. That broke me. Bakit sa iba ka ikakasal na ako naman ang pinangakuan mo ng habang buhay?. Bakit iba ang ihaharap mo sa altar? Di ba ako dapat iyon?. How come you will end up with someone else?. How about our plans? How about our dreams?.

That day, I realized. Maybe, you really never did fall in love with me siguro naawa kalang sa akin?. Pero paano ang mga oras na sobrang saya nating dalawa? Pati din ba iyon ay kasinungalingan din?. Maybe, you had your reasons.

Days after that breaking news you showed yourself in front of me. You seems so sad na para ka ng lantang gulay, you have bags under your eyes, sobrang gulo ng buhok mo, na nangangayayat kana ng sobra. I want to hug you and tell you that everything will be fine and we will be okay but I can't 'cause reality already slap me so fucking hard and I am breaking, kung pwede nga lang na sana panaginip nalang lahat- kung pwede lang sana.

I don't want to let you go Gian, because you are the only sane thing happened to me. You are my light and my direction that my life without you wouldn't be the same anymore. I don't want to let go of your hands and your hug because I know that when I will do that I will lost you forever. It should be us. I should be the one holding your hands for the rest of our lives, I should be there taking every journey you are taking. I should be that someone next to you when you wake up. Ako dapat ang naghahanda sa breakfast mo, ako dapat ang kasama mo sa iisang bahay at ako dapat ang magiging ina ng mga anak mo. It should be me.