My official, WAY prettier blog is in my account description- it's the same texts, but it would mean so much to me if someone would check it out. It's literally SO cute.
But here it goes:
The first subject I'm gonna be talking about is approval.
Approval is something we as humans crave, we want to be heard, understood and accepted.
Primarly when you're young you seek approval.
I have always been an outspoken person, and I've been privilged my whole life. I'm white, heterosexual and come from a loving family. I always had the possibility to be heard, which others without my advantages don't have.
I didn't know that, and took it as granted.
But coming back to approval- damn i craved it so much.
I needed my teachers to like me, I needed to get compliments for everything i did- I relied on the acceptance and attention of others.
What I didn't see when I put all my accomplishments out in the world as soon as they were done or told everybody who would listen about new things I want to do-I didn't do it for me. The most important part about myself was what others had to say about it.
And the dangerous thing about that is- i didn't even notice it!
Here are a few questions you should ask yourself to figure out to what extend you may live for others or social norms:
Do you check who saw your stories?
Do you wear or don't wear things based on your company?
Do you ask for everybodys opnion when you post something new?
Do you really enjoyed that event or where you just there to be there?
Is your first thought when getting a good grade to show it off?
Do you not do something because someone you know think it's weird?
Two years ago, I would have answered every question with a loud YES.
I was a slave of my own insecurities, but nevertheless I would call myself confident and independet. I really wasn't, but I thought this behaviour is normal. that showing off your life makes you worthy, because what else can you live for?
You can live for yourself.
Haha, right.
What does that even mean?
That means figuring out what aspects of your life you'd still be enjoying and doing if there wasn't a single other person on the planet. What would be left if you couldn't share everything that you do? What would you wear? What would you create? Where would you be?
I reflected on that the past week, and it was s-c-a-r-y. To see the time I've been wasting with meaningless stuff, just because I thought I had to do it. All the times my insecurities let other people's opinions overrule me. All the times I've felt obilgated to go to "that party", even though I never enjoyed it. Society forced all of this on me, on all of us. Because our world profits off of our insecurities.
You got to stop.
With seeking approval, you give people a power over you, and they know it. They can use that power, if they choose to, and control you. And you won't even mind, because it is better than figuring out who you really are without them. But let me tell you- that process is worth it, and I'm just starting it right now. This is my tiny, precious existence on that planet- and on my deathbed I won't be thinking about if Anna liked my shoes or not. If you stop caring, you get that power back which your own insecurities took from you. You decide, what you do. That is the real advice here.
Don't give a fuck, and I promise, the real people will stick around or come into your life. (But that is not the most important thing- it is just an advantage.)
With being simply yourself and doing everything for yourself you will attract the right things into your life- positive energy. Because what person would want negative people and energy for themselves?
That's right, nobody would choose that.
And you can choose that. You don'd have to feel obilgated to do or be anything. Let things in your life which serve you- the rest can fuck off and leave!
You can make it happen.
Ask yourself,
What do i want to do less of? (What do I do just to fit in?)
And what do i want to do more of? (For myself, what do I really enjoy?)
And work on implementing those changes in your life. Cut tocix energy off, and don't forget- It is a process, a mindset! You can't achieve that overnight, but be consistent, be egoistic, and it will pay off.
Stop asking for approval, the only one you need is your own!
That version of yourself has so much to offer.
Give yourself a chance!
YOU ARE READING
growing up diaries
General Fictiongrowing up is confusing- so why would you want to do it alone? this is my life, chaotic and emotional, and i'm just trying to figure it out. i have many opinions, and i bet you too. this is my not-so-secret-diary and a safe space for everyone :)
