Pepsi Flavoured Kyptonite

Pepsi Flavoured Kryptonite

Jor-El looked out the foggy, rainy, slightly dusty window with a sad look in his eye. He did't think he would ever meet his one true love, he thought he would have ended up with General Lane, but after their tragic, heartbreaking breakup, he didn't think it was possible to love again. that is until he metPEEEPPPSSSIIII MAAAAAAAAN!!!! Joe El took one look at Pepsi man's GLISTENING and JUICY tin muscles, and he melted instantly into a pile of kryptonian mush. Did someone get pink kruptonite in his kruptonian tea last night before bed!? He felt ashamed. What would Lara think? He could never cheat on her, or leave her! She was the love of his life. But those muscles..... that expressionless face,,,,,, that smooth weinerless place where wieners go..... it was all he could do to resist tuning straight through the tv ad and right into Pepsi man's cold, carbonated embrace, to slip under the cool water of love."I knew I was irresistible," Pepsi Man hummed, voice low, and resonating through the elder Kryptonian's bones. "I'm glad." "This is wrong," Jor-El whispered. "You're made of a tin can. What would my wife ever think if she knew?" "She wouldn't," Pepsi Man consoled. "You needn't worry." "But that doesn't change the fact that you're made of a tin can." "No. It doesn't." Pepsi Man pulled away from the embrace, face falling into a sullen frown. Jor-El yearned for the embrace again, and knew he would do anything to be back in it. "If the science council ever found out," he said. "I would be done for." "Sacrifices," Pepsi Man huffed. "Don't I deserve that much?" "But my wife is with child." "Your planet is doomed anyhow. You've told me of your plans to yeet the child into the ocean of stars." "Don't speak so lightly of it," Jor-El s-napped, anger flushing into his cheeks. "You don't know the pain of this-!" "Wouldn't I? You're doomed to die, and yet you live in a trapped life with your wife, knowing you won't ever have a true shot at happiness! I can show you happiness, Jor!" At that, Jor-El knew his error. He shoved Pepsi Man hard in the chest, sending him stumbling blindly backwards. "You're a fool, Soda Man!" He snarled. "I can't believe I've fallen for your metallic charm, and aluminum foil eight pack! Lara is my world, and you are nothing but an obstacle!" Pepsi Man's eyes filled with tears at his words. His face fell in dismay. "You're right," he whispered. "You're right. I guess this is it then." "So it shall seem." "You were my greatest love," "Shh," Jor-El hushed. "Say no more, for my heart shall surely break. Krypton will be dead in weeks. And so will my Loe for*love for* you." "Then I've nothing left to say," Pepsi Man mourned, head downward, gaze flitting everywhere but Jor-El's face. "Good." Jor-El said, though he fought to keep his voice steady. It pained him to do this. It really did. But there was just something wrong about loving a man made of a tin can. He didn't even know what Pepsi tasted like, but he walked away with the comfort that one day, his child would. Jor-El would never forget his forbidden love, even after death.