It is to be my greatest work – “The Temptation of St. Anthony”. In this space here the great Saint will be on his knees with his arms up to heaven as he is surrounded in the desert by the most foul trickery the devil can conjure. I shall be using both subtlety and the explicit to depict the temptations; this line here will be the long path that St. Anthony has walked. Over here will be a creature representing sloth and I will draw the viewer’s eyes to the blisters on the Saint’s feet – that is just one of many examples that I will create in this piece.
The work has been commissioned by none other than Prince Albert of Monaco himself, I might add, and a thousand hours alone have been spent on the primary sketches. The canvas I had specially made, due to it size, by sailmakers in La Rochelle, and I have not been able to enter my humble bedroom for three weeks now, as that has been given over to stockpiling the paint needed for my masterpiece.
My greatest preparation has been, however, facing the devil and the demons in my own soul. For forty days and forty nights, I did not leave this building and created my own hell by taking residence on the roof, and existing with nothing but the clothes I wear now and drinking nothing but Absinthe – I know my demons’ names.
Today, I start on working on the Virgin Temptress who will be standing inches away from St.Anthony, offering herself unconditionally to him. In this void here, I will create beauty, temptation and strength. And … ah, here comes the model herself, recommended by my good … well, friend Toulouse-Lautrec
“Bonjour, Madame, are you ready for pure beauty in encapsulation?”
“I’ve heard it called a lot of things in my time, but not that. How do you want me, on top or below?”
“What are you doing?” I cried, as she started to unbutton my flies.
“Oh right, it’s that and not the other – silly me. You would not believe this morning I’ve had. I don’t know If I am coming or going and…”
Mon Dieu! I thought, as I noticed she had teeth befitting the English, but still she did have a certain femme fatale look about her. “Madame, if you wouldn’t mind, we have a lot to do and I want to capture you before I lose the magnificent light coming through the skylight.”
“Right then, who am I am going to be then? Last week I was Arse-Miss”
“Arse-Miss ?”
” Arrrssseee-Miss-I was standing there bow in one hand with a doggie at me feet”
“You mean Artemis, the Greek Goddess of hunting?”
“Yeah, thats the one, Arse-Miss.”
I sighed before continuing, “I am painting the Temptation of St Anthony.”
“Who was he then?”
“He was the father of all monks who had a divine connection with the heavenly and fought a supernatural battle of the mind against temptation from the devil.”
“You’ll have to go a bit slower, I didn’t quite get that all, now his father was a monk and…?”
“Madame, please if you don’t mind …the light. Now if you could just disrobe and I need you to show Temptation…. No, no need to put your hand out… or your leg…. or your hand on your hip… Do you mind if I…?”
“Brrr, your hands are cold.”
“Now Madame, if you can just hold this pose.”
“No problem, you know I was with Bernard last week, and he said Elita if there is one thing you do good, and that is to hold…”
“Madame, please – the light. I really do need to get started.” Finally, I said silently as I began to mix the Tempera with my brush. As any artist will tell you, you can not beat that first stroke to canvas and… Christ, why had this creature begun laughing? “Madame?”
“Up there, that picture behind you?”
“Pandora opening the box? What about it ?” God knows why I asked.
“Yeah, that’s Eloise from the Ruse Des Moulins isn’t it? I’d recognize that bum anywhere! Amount of laughs me and her have had. One time it was the both of us and this Greek gentlemen who wanted us to …”
“MADAME! The light! Please! ”
“Sorry, here I am chatting away and you’re trying to ..”
“MADAME!” Ah, silence at last, but then: “Madame, did you just pass wind?
“Sorry, as I said, been running around all morning. Been on my back, up against a wall, only had had time to gulp my lunch before I came….”
I scowled at her, which seemed to do the trick. Finally my brush was on canvas and I could begin my magic, oh Christ!
“Do you think my left boob is slightly smaller than the right?”
–00–
…It was just shortly after that, that I grabbed my pallet knife and well, I imagine it was the women below me who ran out to the street when the screaming started. I do have to say Gendarme, I am surprised how little time it took you to turn up. Normally there is never a policeman when you need one in this part of town. I have to say, for such a horrid creature, she looks wonderfully peaceful lying there – despite all the blood. Would it be terribly rude of me, if i grabbed my sketchbook? … oh.
YOU ARE READING
Gentlemens Spice
HumorSome gentlemen like their sauce, others their relish. Late night tales overheard in the smoking room of the Dead Adventurers Club.
