hey guys, long time no fucking see.
im sorry I've been m.i.a for so long. i lost alot of motivation as you can tell. im back, put i can't keep a promise that im staying for very long. i might restart my whole account, i might just leave and never come back.
i felt a little motivation right now so im gonna write a little something.
“ale?” a deep, soothing voice called out from behind me. i turn my head around to see my boyfriend standing in the door frame. “hm?” i hum quietly from not speaking for over an hour. “you alright? you haven't came out of here for awhile. are you hungry, do you need anything?” mattia asks me, with a concerned face. i smile and nod my head. “yeah, im okay babe. you know how i get when it starts to rain. i can be here for hours and hours just watching the rain fall.”
mattia laughs and pushes loose hair that once fell in front of my face, behind my ear. “of course i know baby. you've been doing it since you were- what te-” “it was nine, love.” i cut him off. we both chuckle and sigh. “tia, you know how much i love you right?”
i look up at him with a little grin. he wraps his hands around my waist and kisses my lips. “of course i do my love, but you can't keep doing this. you can't k-” i cut him off again, before he could say anything else. “-keep acting like you're here, i know.” i look down and let a few tears slip.
“im not here, Alejandro. you've got to accept that sooner or later.” he reminds me like he's done every other day. “and i chose later. i want you here- i need you here mattia i can't do this anymore without you. it's already hard enough that our fucking child has to live their whole life without their father!”
“shh.. it's okay baby. it's okay.” mattia whispers, taking me into his arms. i cry into his chest as i wrap my arms around his lower back. “i know times are rough right now, but i know what you're capable of. i know what you can do. you're just as strong as you were before i left, i know it.” he cards his fingers through my hair, swaying side to side softly.
i soon calmed down and stopped crying but my breathing was still rigid. i knew if i let go, mattia would disappear into thin air. i never wanted to let go but, we both knew i had to.
“you have to let me go, ale. you got this i promise you. I love you. ” he mumbles, trying to keep his composure. “okay..” i frown as i release and close my eyes. once i open them, he was gone. just like that.
“I love you too.”
I sob out quietly, remembering the infant was still asleep.“i can't do this anymore Tia..” my voice starts to crack as I fall down to my knees, looking out of the window.
“why did you have to leave me so early, baby.. why.”
-
i hope this was alright. idk what vibe this gave off but with every thing going on, this is how I've been feeling the past few days. its exhausting but im still here. i hope you all are well and healthy. stay safe everyone, goodnight.
