Note: The whole story won't be written like this, this is just the introduction.
Now I can't dress myself, nor can I feed myself.
I can't talk or even move.
But I can hear, I can understand things.
I know what people say, I know what they think of me.
If only they knew.
I want to tell them.
'It's not my fault I'm like this!’.
I want them to stop judging me.
I want to tell mom and dad, how sorry I am.
I'm sorry I'm a burden.
I'm sorry I'm not the child you wished for.
I'm sorry I can't help.
I wish I could.
I used to be able to run.
To talk, and laugh.
But the memory of those days are faint.
What seems like forever ago, I was normal.
I was human.
I didn't need this chair to take me places.
I didn't need to sit all day.
I didn't have to sit, and think of how crap my life is.
To know just how useless I am.
To know I'm the cause for my mothers depression.
To know, I'm the reason my brothers clothes are worn.
All because of me, I syphoned the money from the family.
A family that once, laughed and smiled at dinner.
Where we could talk about our days adventures.
I won't be living anymore adventures.
I might only be lucky enough to witness others.
However my chance for adventure was stolen from me.
My "friends" don't visit me.
They're the reason I'm like this.
But they're living their lives.
Smiling, talking to their family.
They still have a chance.
My mother, no longer smiles at me.
She no longer smiles at all.
She used to be a "cool mom".
She was cool enough to let us party.
To let us drink.
To let us drive.
And now she takes the blame.
Maybe someday I'll walk.
But not today.
Maybe not ever.
I don’t want to lose hope.
But it’s hard not to.
Living is a daily fight.
Death seems like such a nice option.
But I’m “incapable” of making that decision.
I’m also incapable of saying what I think.
I can’t be me anymore.
But I’m forced to continue to exist.
But that’s just it.
I’m existing, only existing.
A shell of a human.
I’m barely living.
Hardly breathing.
This is not worth it.
