Help! I was sold to Shrek! - (Shrek X Reader)

~Chapter 1~

AN: Hello everyone, I hope you like this spicy shrek x reader fic, this is a birthday present to my friend ;) HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE!!! anyways, happy reading!

"GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT OF BED YOU STUPID WHORE" my witch of a mother yelled at me. If you can't already tell, she has major issues. "I have a special surprise just for you y/n" "Oh god what is it now mother, last time you said that to me I had to snort your crack to make sure it was safe for you." "DON'T BE SO UNGRATEFUL, THAT SHIT COSTS MONEY." my mother yelled straight in my face. "Jesus mother you need to go brush your teeth, it smells like an asscrack up in this bitch, anyways, what is your 'special surprise'" I deadpanned "I found a handsome dashing man off craigslist that was willing to buy your nasty ass for a couple pennies so I can buy some more crack! Isn't that amazing!" "WHAT!!!!!! YOU SOLD ME TO SOME SKETCHY MAN OFF OF CRAIGSLIST!!!!!" I roared (hehe rawr xd) "Yes, and he will be here shortly, so pack your shit and make yourself look more presentable, it looks like yah just crawled out of the sewer like the little rat you are." my bitch of a mother sneered as she slammed the door in my face. UGHHHH GRRRRRR I HATE MY MOTHER SO MUCH I WISH SHE WOULD JUST DISAPPEAR, IT WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER FOR EVERYONE. SHE IS SUCH A SHIT STAIN OF A HUMAN. Maybe this man who has bought me will be nice to me. I mean anything would be better than this hell I am living in now. *2 hours later* I have just packed all my shit which only took me two minutes because my mom burned a majority of my stuff a week ago. Because I didn't want to test anymore of her crack. She then proceeded to have a melt down like the petulant child she is. I hear my mothers gargantuan feet stomping up the stairs. She rips my door open and drags me by my weave, my cute little 3'6 body gets dragged down the stairs. "GET OFF OF ME YOU STUPID WENCH" "DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT YOU UNGREATFUL BITCH, I FEED YOU AND CLOTHE YOU AND I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD." my mother barked at me. "YOU FEED ME CRACK AND BURNT ALL OF MY CLOTHING YOU STUPID BITCH, YOU HARDLEY DID ME ANY FAVOURS-" we both stopped our fighting to see this huge green lookin thang in the doorway of our house, along with a donkey?