What's Yours Is Mine

Chapter Five- Hayley/Aaron

"She wants the sun in her eyes but all she gets is ignored."

"This is great. Just a few amendments and your homeward bound." Mr price hands me back my essay. "Thanks, sir." I am happy he likes my essay but I just can't show it. My face has been frozen in a scowl all morning. "Are you ok Hayley?"He asks.

Well, where to begin Mr price? I really like this boy, like more than I've ever like anyone in my entire existence, so much that sometimes my deluded brain tells me it's love. But see, it's actually really messed up, he's kind of my best friends boyfriend, he kind of told me he wished he wasn't embarrassed by me because then he'd absolutely want me as a girlfriend and he kind of made me feel like an ugly pig. Then this other boy gave his wisely male perspective on the situation and basically told me that said boy couldn't care less about me, he just keeps me around because I make him feel good about himself. So now my heads all scrambled, I have my exams coming up, and basically I feel like I'm drowning in fresh air. Help me.

"I'm fine sir, I just had a late night finishing this." Mr Price tuts sarcastically.
"I told her not to leave it till the last minute, sir." Charlotte can't help herself but kick me when I'm down. What are best friends for?

Mr price is letting us go for break early, this is good, this means I'll see him before he sees me. I can negotiate further action from there. "You're cranky today what's up?" Charlotte's using her faux 'i care about you so much' voice. I shrug. "Whatever. Listen I have big news. This will cheer you up." Funny, I'm almost certain it won't.

"Me and Ryan, are an official couple!" She jumps in the air and claps her hand. "What?" My voice is strained and I can here the envy moving through the words. Luckily, Charlotte is far too self-obsessed to notice. "He asked me to be his girlfriend last night. I would have told you but you didn't text me back and then this morning you were all moody." She was talking in girlish squeaks, it was like nails on a blackboard.

As we approach the canteen I start to feel dizzy. There are so many things rushing through my head I can't make sense of any of it. I knew this was coming, I pushed it for god's sake. I can't listen to it anymore. I need to leave. And then he strolls over, all nonchalantly. He has no idea of the internal turmoil I feel. His eyes are boring into mine, I feel like there gauging at my iris'. He's looking for my reaction. I know it.

Charlotte greets him in her high pitch manner. She thrusts herself into him and he kisses her In front of everyone. Showing her off to the crowd. It's too hard, I can't watch the person I love, love someone else, I just can't. I feel the sting of pre-tears in the rims of my eyes.

"I need to go outside for a minute." I just about manage to say.
"What why?" Charlotte's pissed off I'm not giving them my full attention. I don't even bother replying I just walk towards the main entrance. I can't be in this school right now, I feel like the walls are closing in on me, like the floor is rising up and swallowing me. I push through the main doors and drink up the fresh, cool air. I keep walking till I'm outside the gates. Finally relief. I'm calming down now.

I love him, I do. I don't care if I'm only eighteen and I don't have the slightest idea about relationships, I love him. I can't second guess my emotions anymore, it's here in plain sight bubbling to the surface.

We've spent months in this in-between phase, all three of us. I knew they were end game but I guess I just kept hoping for another obstacle. And now it's too late, they are officially boyfriend and girlfriend and I've finally realised I'm in love with him. How can I just walk away from him, when I feel this way?

I've always blamed Charlotte, I've always thought she stole things from me. But now I see it. She doesn't steal anything from me, she doesn't have to, I hand it to her on a plate every time. If I'd have just told him how I felt, then maybe... No this is stupid. He wouldn't have chosen me because he's ashamed of me. But still, if he had known how I really felt then maybe we could have worked it out. Shit. I've lost him. I've lost him because I'm too much of a wimp to own up to my own emotions. Everything's changed, my world has shifted into the unknown. I need to scream at the top of my lungs.