Heavy Heart

Chapter 29

 We scavenged for food in my kitchen. I'd neglected to get groceries the week before so we were left with some cheese, half a mixed fruit cup, some salami and two apples. Zack was satisfied with our make-shift meal but I was embarrassed I didn't have more to offer. We ate quietly while Mr. Fuzz walked between our legs seeking attention. He seemed to like Zack which made me happy. Mr. Fuzz wasn't a young cat, he was about ten and I had no desire to deal with someone who didn't understand how important my pet was to me. Zack rubbed his face and back with a smile and offered him a small bite of cheese which Mr. Fuzz eagerly took. I smiled, "Now he's going to beg you for food every time you are over here."

Zack shrugged, "That's fine. He and I have an understanding. We are both crazy about you so we had a little talk. He and I are going to be around for a long time so we need to get along. If I need to bribe him to gain his acceptance then so be it." I laughed at his response, "Yeah? The two of you had a discussion, did you?" Zack nodded and glanced at my cat, "Mr. Fuzz and I have a deep understanding. It's a bro-mance if you will."

I stood up to clear our plates and chuckled at him. My boyfriend and my cat were in a bro-mance. What a ridiculous concept. However, the two of them had become thick as thieves. It was adorable to watch them in their own little world. Zack picked up Mr. Fuzz and walked around the kitchen with him like a baby. No one had ever done that with my cat, including me. Somehow Zack's embrace comforted him, because Mr. Fuzz didn't fight. He just lay back and purred. I glared playfully at the two of them, "How did you get him to do that?" Zack smiled and shrugged, "I've got the magic touch." I rolled my eyes and walked to the living room to open the curtains. It turns out the first snowfall of the year was happening outside. Light fluff covered the entire yard, my car and Zack's truck. Zack walked up next to me and huffed, "Damn, my snow brush is at home."

"You can borrow mine." I offered as I watched the snowflakes fall to the ground. Zack released Mr. Fuzz and pulled me close to his chest, "Thanks sweets." I let my body nestle into his. I felt the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against my back. I was finding it harder and harder to resist his touch. I'd found myself thinking about sex with Zack more often, the actual act of loosing my virginity finally. I wondered what it would feel like to have him inside me, filling me up, throbbing and pulsing. I wondered if it would be painful or easy, would I be able to climax during my first time? I knew I'd need to figure out some form of birth control, since I'd never needed to be on it before.

"What's on your mind, baby?" Zack asked, suddenly pulling me out of my thoughts. I shook my head back to reality and blushed slightly. I cleared my throat, "Nothing, I'm just thinking about how it's about that time of year for me to get a physical." He narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head, "You are a terrible liar, Layla. Try again." Zack squeezed me tighter.

I sighed and turned around in his arms. I pulled him with me to the coach and gestured to him to sit with me. I turned my body to sit cross-legged next to him so I could fully see him. Zack searched my face, a slight frown in his eyes. I swallowed hard before I spoke just above a whisper, "I'm ready to have sex with you. I've been thinking about it a lot lately."

Zack's eyes softened, he slid as close as possible next to me on the couch. His arm wrapped around the small of my back, "Oh, baby, are you sure? Because I've been wanting this for a very long time you know." I nodded, "I know. I've been thinking about it and I'm ready. I want to have sex with you. I want your penis to be the first one inside me."

He nodded slowly, seeming to think about my words before he spoke. Carefully, Zack took my hand in his, "I think before we do this, we need to talk about what it means to both of us. So we are on the same page." I cocked my head to the side and nodded, "Alright. You go first." Zack shook his head, "No, this is your show. You go first."

I sighed and let out a flustered breath, "Fine, fine. I've never been with anyone I wanted to take that step with before. As you know, I've been saving that part of myself because I don't trust people easily. I trust you, Zack. I care about you and I want to do this with you. I think about you being inside me all the time. I know what I want and I want you." He smiled at me and nodded slowly. Zack reached up and touched my face, his voice came out husky as he said, "Ok. For me, if we have sex it means we are very serious. I know how long you have waited and I know how hard it is for you to trust and give up control. I already feel very strongly about you and I know that it's only going to intensify once we have sex. I'm probably going to fall in love with you, Layla."

"That's ok. I think I'll fall in love with you too." I told him. Zack nodded and kissed me softly. He whispered against my lips, "I might already love you, you know." I nodded. I didn't reply with words, instead I deepened our kiss. I wasn't ready to say it just yet, but I knew what I was feeling wasn't anything I'd experienced before. I could tell everything with Zack was different, it had been from the start. It felt right, it felt natural, being with Zack was like breathing. I wanted him, he wanted me, we wanted each other.