Kiss me

Chapter 11 - grief and sorrows

Images of the accident invaded my mind, I woke up screaming and I couldn't stop, I couldn't open my eyes, the images kept coming. I was drowning in it.
All of a sudden a pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders, I could hear mum talking,

"Sweetie wake up, it's okay." After hearing those words could stop screaming and open my eyes.
I looked at her and I started to cry.

"Mum, I saw it. I saw it all happen again." I said sobbing.

"Sweetie, it will take time." She said rubbing my back.

"I know, it's just.." I trailed off, it's not the first I've had a nightmare like this.
Mum thinks I should go to a therapist but the last time I went to a therapist I didn't like it. I'll I need is my friends, and they are just as bad as me, they also have nightmares like this.

"Sweetie, it will be hard at first but you'll get through it, we will even go on a holiday if you want."

I thought about this for a minute, weren't we meant to go to New Zealand these holidays?
"Mum," I looked at her."weren't we meant to go to New Zealand these holidays?" I repeated my thoughts.

"Yeah, but you had the accident. We would be there now if you didn't have that accident."

"Oh." I looked back down to

"But, we are going when the school holidays come along." She said with a smile on her face.

"Really?!" This brightened my mood.

"Yep, and you need the break." She stated.

"I love you mum."

"I love you too. So how about to try and get some rest because it's 2 o'clock in the morning and I need more sleep." She got up and left a kiss on my forehead.

"Goodnight Ma."

"Goodnight sweetie."

I cocooned myself in the blankets again and fell back asleep instantly.

I woke up and I was sore all over. I groaned and rolled over in a very awkward way.

Mum walked in to my room and said,

"Sweetie, you need to get dressed and ready to go to the hospital." She said in a sad voice.

"Why? I thought I had to go next week." I asked confused.

"It's about Lucy."

"Oh, is she okay?" I say with a look of worry.

"Ill help you get ready." She was avoiding my question so I started to worry.

"Mum?" I tried again.

She came over and sat on my bed,
"They're turning the life support off, she's not getting any better."

I was frozen, "I.. What? They can't turn it off. She's... No."

"Sweetie, C'mon, I'll help you get ready." She got up and I took her hand.
Painfully I got up and walked awkwardly to the shower.

"Do you want me to help you get undressed?" Mum asks.

"Na, I'm alright."

I was standing in the shower thinking, they can't turn the.. No.. No.

I put my head in my hands, and leant against the wall. Jesus do the girls know? Are they going to the hospital? What? Why?
I have so many questions. No I mustn't cry, I have to stay strong. I've already been through this kind of thing once and I was weak... I mustn't be weak.

••••••••••••

We arrived at the hospital and I'm standing in the waiting room with Steph, Olivia, Sarah and Blake.

"Why are they turning it off?" Blake asks, he looks confused.

"Isn't it obvious? She's not getting any better." Olivia says.

"You say it so coldly Olivia. She will be fine, she's strong." I say, my heart Is hurting knowing that it's not true.

"I just...why..?" Sarah was sobbing in Stephs arms.

"Shhh, shhh." Stephs trying to calm her while stroking her hair.

I zoned out looking at my surroundings. People where coming in and out of Lucy's room, they were saying goodbye. I'm thinking about what I should say, 'cya luce' na that's too...-

"Kat." Olivia was waving her hand in my face.

"Sorry... What?"

"It's our turn.." She said it with such a sad voice.

"Okay.."

Myself, Steph, Olivia, Sarah and Blake walked into her hospital room. She looks exactly like she did the last time I saw her.

We went and stood around her bed, she looks so fragile, so weak, so pale, so lonely.
Blake decided he's going to speak up first, he went and stood next to her side and held her hand like he's never going to let go.

"Hey baby," he's already started to tear up, my heart breaks a little more inside, " stay, please.... We've been together for 2 years and the thought of losing you... Baby remember time when we promised that we would be together no matter what? Well right now I need you to keep your end of that promise.
When we wanted to go live in America so you can go and chase them dreams of becoming an actor. I'm with you all the way, everything you want, I'll get it. For you baby. Fight this my princess, your strong enough. Wherever you go remember that I love you, goodbye my perfect princess." He lent over and kissed her passionately on the lips, it went on for a second but it held so much love. A tear fell from his cheek and feel on hers.

"I have to go and get some air." Blake walked out.

I looked around at the girls, Sarah was holding Lucy's other hand and her head on the bed sobbing at Blakes goodbye speech.
Steph and Olivia were at the end of the bed, looking like they are about to lose it.
And I.. I was where Blake was standing, managing to keep it together, I know what losing someone feels like and its a painful feeling.

Sarah went next, then Steph and then Olivia. They were all crying by the end of they're speeches. But I was standing at the end of the bed now, staring at her pale, fragile figure.

"Kat, it's your turn." Steph came and stood next to me and squeezed my hand. I walked around to her side once again, and held her hand.

"Hey Luce... You can fight this stupid coma thing. Your strong, like I've said before. I'll miss you like crazy, who am I going to watch the walking dead with? World war Z? I've only known you for about 2 years but in the time we've gotten unbelievably close. Please stay, you have so much to live for." I was managing to keep it together throughout my speech.

The door opened and her mum and dad and siblings came in, followed by the doctor.
Oh no, it's happening.
I quickly kissed her on the forehead and stood at the end of the bed with Steph.

"It's time to turn it off." The doctor says and started to flick switches. Giving us all a sad smile.

Lucy's family were all cuddling and crying, Sarah and Olivia were holding hands. Steph and I were staring, unable to move.

The doctor flicked the final switch and the machines made that.. That death sound.
Her body went limp, she wasn't breathing.
That's when I finally broke, I burst out crying, unable to control it. The tears kept coming. I put my hands to my stomach, it hurts so much. The feeling you get, that feeling hurt. Please make it stop. L
Steph dropped to the ground with me and we cried together. Huddled in an awkward position.

It hurts so much. Make it stop.