Death Is The Sweetest Love Story

THAT'S THE ENDING DARLING

I bashed against the wooden door until my fists began to swell. He couldn't just leave me like this, not after everything we went through together. Not after all the picnics and the movies. Not after all the times we'd said I love you. Not after the trips to Paris and Amsterdam. He couldn't. I sunk into the door matt realizing we weren't so different. We both get walked all over. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I let out a sob. We were done. 3 years down the drains. 

The more I cried the more I hated myself, hated the way I was too comfortably in love to notice he wasn't. How didn't I notice the way he'd always have a 'late night conference'. I should've seen the signs but they were clouded by my idea that we could be forever. I took the engagement ring off my cold finger and threw it as far as I could. He threw me out. Boxes of my things surrounded me. All my childhood and adulthood packed up into some stupid brown boxes.

A storm was rolling in and I know I needed to find a place to stay but I couldn't pick myself up. The tape began to fall away from the boxes of my life. All I could think about was him. His pale skin. The way his cheeks got all red and rosy when it snowed. His soft black hair that fell in front of his eyes as he slept. The way he used to care for me so much. He'd carry me to bed when I needed the rest after a long day at the office. He'd tell me every night that he couldn't live without me and yet it was all lies. He'd lied about loving me and wanting to spend his life with me. A building that has unstable foundations often leads to destruction and collapse. That what happened. I felt numb. 

Rain began to fall. I could smell the freshness of it. A smell I used to embrace but now it smelt sour like it wasn't here to comfort me but to make me feel worse instead. 15 missed calls all from my mother. Of course, he had told her, why wouldn't he? She would be desperate for a bit of gossip to tell everyone at the tennis club but I couldn't care anymore. I couldn't care about anything. Not Paris, or Amsterdam or Evan. Not the rain or the trees or the sun or the sky. It was all just a nothing-less blur to me. As the rain got heavier so did my shoulders. I just couldn't care. I wouldn't. Even if it was my deepest desire, I had lost the will to live, so I didn't.