I release a sigh as the final bell of the week rings. I stand up and throw my blue and purple galaxy bag over my broad shoulders and walk out of my 6th period Math class. The hallway is so crushed filled with people all dressed in all different types of clothes going in all directions, it’d be daunting if you had never been to Brookesburough High School before. It feels like the dark grey walls are about to close in on you and that everyone is eventually going to die with suffocation. The school isn’t that big, yet there are at least 2,000 pupils flowing the halls every day. I walk down the hall while I hear people say ‘Hi’ to me and occasionally try to start a conversation I just mutter back “Hey” or “I need to go sorry.” I finally escape out the door just to be greeted by a group of people trying to make a conversation, I show no interest, so they walk off heading back into the lively school halls to find someone who is interested.
I reach my house and step through the door to be greeted with a grumpy drunk mother and an ever absent father. My mother slurs her words when she tells me to go up to my room and do all my homework before I go out anywhere. My house is cold and dark with walls that have lost their white colour; the windows are unclean and the smell is musty and damp. I head up to my room, my favourite place in the house because i can keep it clean and make it my own.I put on my headphones and start listening to an endless playlist of Panic! at the Disco, My Chemical Romance and Fall out Boy. I get a fright as my music finally stops and my phones text tone blares into my ears , I turn it on and open the text message up. It’s from my best friend Sapphire , she was asking if I wanted to go out to a guy called Ricks party tonight, I really don’t feel like it but guess I’ll go anyway as long as I’m back by midnight I should be fine for school on Monday. I should probably start getting ready, I quickly text her back, my thumbs moving furiously across the keys like I have memorized where they all are. I throw my phone on my bed and choose out one of my favourite outfits, black skinny jeans with ripped knees and a white vest like top I shove a red and black baggy shirt on top to keep me warm. Its mild outside so I shouldn’t need a coat on, the weather has been up and down all week so I’m glad its brightened up for the weekend, it is almost Summer I suppose.
It’s dark outside when Sapphires boyfriend and Sapphire comes to pick me up, I tell my mum that I’ve done all my homework and that I’m going out, she is slouched over our old and falling apart Divan sofa with a bottle of £5 Vodka in her hand. Just looking at her makes my stomach wrench, I don’t invite Sapphire and her boyfriend in as I am too embarrassed of my apathetic mother. I say that I’ll be back by twelve, so I start to head towards the front door. I am just about to close the door behind me as I hear her shout something toward me, I don’t want any hassle now so I ignore her. She will soon be encased in her own world and forget about where I am, she won’t even realise I am gone. I carry on towards Sapphire boyfriend, Callum’s car, it’s a red Volvo with some plush leather fitting inside I jump in the back beside our other friends and try to make some witty banter before I perceive that they went a 100% sober.
We arrive outside Ricks house and Callum parks outside, we all walk to the door and wait there for ages, I am quite on nerve because last time I went to a party it was too busy so I had to sit out on my own in the damp street with only myself and a bottle cheap water to keep me company, that was my vision of hell. As soon as I step through the doors of Ricks house I am greeted by a pounding head ,the music is so loud and there are people everywhere, I make my way over to Rick passing some people from school, I say ‘Hey’ and stride past them courageously. I finally make it to Rick “Hi,” “Hey!” he says handing me a drink of who knows what. “I can’t have alcohol, I don’t want to end up like my tipsy mother,” he lets out a long sigh and swipes whatever concoction was in my hands away from me and gives me a can of soda instead “Thanks,” I respond and stride away. Ricks house is dimly lit with multi-coloured strobe lights wandering the walls of the hectic living room, people wearing their sophisticated, skinny-fit and small dresses dancing with boys wearing shirts and jeans of many colours. It is stuffy and rather damp; I can smell sweat, weed and antiperspirant lingering in the air around me. I move to the makeshift dance floor and suddenly feel like I shouldn’t be here,I don’t feel right. I am confused because this has never happened to me before, I shake it off and pretend that nothing happened, but it’s still there bugging away at me. Every move I make feels wrong, I begin to wish I had never come, I start to wonder if my drink had been alcoholic then I remembered that all it was, was a can of soda. My breathing quickens and I don’t know what to do, I feel like the walls are closing in on me, I just stand there dazed. In the middle of Rick’s living room, people all moving, dancing and chatting around me. No one has acknowledged the look of fear and worry in my oceanic deep blue eyes, I squeeze past everyone and sit down on a very comfy sofa looking dazed. A guy comes up to me, I don’t know who he is, he must be new around here. He has a black fringe ridiculously covering half of his face and is dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and band tee on. I recognise the band, unlike the boy, I have never seen him around before, but I am grateful of him at least noticing the sea of worry in my eyes. He takes my hand and leads me into Rick’s bathroom, I take a seat on top on the toilet seat, it’s really cold against my butt but I stay seated as to control my breathing which is still going haywire. “You’re having an anxiety attack, but you don’t need to worry I’m going help you, you need to take deep breaths and close your eyes. I’ll go and get you a glass of water.” He says calmly before slipping out of the bathroom and closes the door firmly shut behind him. I keep my breathing steady and wait for him to come back; when he doesn’t come back I start to panic again. Where is he? Has he left me? What has happened? Thoughts flood my mind and don’t let me think straight. I’m thinking of leaving the cramped space and going back out into the fast paced world outside the bathroom. I stand up wearily and just as I am about to leave he comes back, slamming the door loudly behind him.
“Come on, I’ll take you home,” he hurriedly ushers me out of the door Handing me a glass of water.
We walk outside to his car, the night breeze blowing our hair back, parting his long fringe to one side. He pauses and looks up into the night sky. “The stars are out tonight…….It’s pretty,” he adds. I look up, he’s right, the stars are out, twinkling in the midnight blue sky. “Let’s stay and look at them for a while, I barely ever get to see them anymore,” he says leading me over to a grassy patch beside Ricks garden. We lie on our backs watching the stars for what seems like forever. “How come you never see the stars anymore, their out most clear nights,” I blurt out curiously. “I don't get out much, ,” he replies bluntly. I then stop and realise that it had gone. The feeling of panic, my breathing remained steady and calm. He gets up, so i follow. "I need to go" he says nervously. "I can make my own way home, i haven't had anything to drink , thanks, maybe see you around?," I replied to him. "Maybe," He mumbles. I'll take that as a probably not.
