Q

One.

I'm scrolling through the feed on a website made for writing and reading but was transformed more to a social media platform when I receive a new message from a group account, the message reads a simple;

"Hi -Spencer"

I get a response from the girl I'm crushing on; Dakota. So I rush to type a reply to the new person.

"Hey (: -Talia"

My account is also a group account. I click off the pm with Spencer and switch to the one with Dakota.

"Hey Tal! I missed you."

Dakota left for a few days due to an accident that happened with some girls. Her brother had messaged me to let me know that she was in the hospital a few days ago and I wasn't sure when I would be hearing from her again so that message made me extremely happy.

"I missed you too! Are you okay?"

While waiting for a reply from her I get another reply from Spencer, I open it and it reads;

"What are you up to?"

I give her a short reply saying that I'm just on this website.

Let me give you a little back-story to me and this website; when I was 13 after getting my heartbroken by the first girl that I ever loved, I began writing more and that brought me to this website where I could post the stories that I wrote, low and behold I was introduced to a girl who read one of my many terrible books, she said that she liked my story and her and I began to talk more, eventually that led to us "dating" which only lasted about a week due to her liking someone else.

After that I was introduced to her best friend/ex who was in love with her, so she and I had something in common except I wasn't really in love with her. After maybe a week or two of me and her best friend talking, we started to develop feelings for each other which brings us to the second girl that I've ever loved; Sky. It felt like we were invincible, just her and I against the world. We didn't tell anyone due to both our exes being the same person but eventually she found out and she actually wanted us to be together, which we found odd. Fast forward maybe a month, me and Sky broke up due to her needing time, it might've been mental health i don't know. But we were still friends, and I know people always say that, "Oh we can still be friends after we break up" but it usually never works out. But for us it did, I think the love that we had for each other was so strong that we were able to keep the friendship and it was never awkward.

Now I know what you're gonna say, "13! That's crazy! You were too young to know what love was." Well I'm 18 now and I've had a ton more experience then the 13 year old me had. And even now, I know that what I felt for my first love and what I felt for Sky, it wasn't just infatuation or "puppy love" I genuinely loved those two.

So me and Sky ended up getting back together, maybe two more times before finally calling it quits. Honestly she kind of messed me up. But you'll hear more of that later.

She wasn't the only one though, I mentioned my first love before, Shelly. She messed me up quite a bit too, you see. When I was younger before I came out as gay and before I had ever gotten into any relationships, I was pretty much a happy and carefree kid. I just wanted to hang out with my friends, that's all. But then 7th grade came along and so much happened. I met Shelly and I fell in love with her, as cheesy as it is I think it was love at first sight. As soon as she walked into that classroom, something inside of me knew that she was gonna be both the best and worst thing to happen to me.

She broke my heart a lot of times but that was okay, I always forgave her. But she was the reason I came out to my classmates and friends. I wanted them to know that I was in love with her, I wanted to be able to talk to them about her and not have to hide the fact that she was a girl. But when we told everyone, I lost a few good friends. And then I lost her.