Moments Of Defeat

Chapter 4 - Try To Remember Calmness

I hadn’t really spoken to Liz outside of school since we went to London; it had been about two weeks now. I was stressed out with school and being stuck at home for the past two weeks hadn’t helped.

I just wanted to get up and go out somewhere, but i didn’t really want to face anyone. You see my dilemma? I don’t feel like socialising yet i feel so detached from everything. From everyone.

I was currently in my room watching Lost Highway, again. I was still trying to wrap my head around it all. I was about half way through when i heard my phone buzz.

I opened my phone to find a text from Liz, saying ‘Hey, Dave and Dan have invited us all to go back to theirs this weekend for a party. Dan’s parents are away, so they said we can stay the night. You can just tell your parents that your staying at mine, they don’t need to know where we are going.’

I don’t know how i feel about this. I mean I’m happy that I’ll get to see Dan again, but I’m not the best person at lying.

The thing that worried me most was that it’s a party, that’s not really my thing. I don’t like to be around loads of people, and being in noisy places. But i really wanted to see Dan again, and this may be my only chance.

After debating with myself, i decided that i would go. I replied to Liz and she texted back the times for us to meet.

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I had been restless waiting for the weekend to hurry up and come. I was excited to be seeing Dan again, and I had successfully convinced my parents that i was staying at Liz’s. I was now at the train station waiting for Liz and Anna. We were going to try and get to London for 4pm, and we were going to spend the afternoon out in town then we were going to meet Dave and Dan at the station so they could take us back to theirs. I don’t want there to be any awkward situations like last time.

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We arrived in London just a little after 4pm. After going round town for a few hours and going out for a meal, we went back to the station and Dave was waiting outside. I was slightly disappointed when Dan wasn’t there. Dave said that he wanted to stay back at the house because some people had come early and he wanted to stay in case anything happened.  We went into the station and got on the tube.

When we reached the house i could hear loud music and muffled voices. I hadn’t really been to many house parties before so i wasn’t sure what i was expecting. The parties i had been to were pretty small gatherings; there weren’t really enough people there for it to be called a party i guess.

My expectations weren’t too far off. The music was very loud, but i wasn’t expecting so many people to be there. I had been wondering around and trying to keep up with Liz since we came through the front door. Talking to people I didn’t know was hard enough so when it came to being in a cramped space surrounded by so many loud and drunk people, it was a bit overwhelming to say the least. Plus the fact that people were trying to get me to dance and what not and kept trying to talk to me and introduce me to new people.

We had been there for a couple of hours now and I had lost Liz and Anna. I got a drink from the crowded kitchen, hoping the alcohol would calm my nerves then I made my way to the living room looking for Liz. I think she’s dancing, she loves dancing, but there are so many goddamn people here. I couldn’t see her anywhere but i could just about see Dan amongst the many people, he was dancing in the middle of the living room. The music was too loud and I felt like couldn’t think or breathe, so i peeled my way through the crowd and made my way to the front of the house in hope of getting some space and fresh air.

As I made my way past Dan we made eye contact and exchanged smiles. I suddenly felt a lot more anxious then before hand as he started to move towards me. So in response i made my way through the crowd a lot faster than before and I hoped he wasn’t following me.