Draco's Pov: As she handed me my presents I couldn't help but look into her eyes. They felt like home to me, something I could look into every day for the rest of my life. Of course I wanted her, but everytime we pull in it only hurts worse.
After the party Blaise and I head back to our dorm, he mentioned he had to talk to me about something.
"What's the deal with you and Adlepha?" He immediately starts.
"Nothing, we're nothing." I mutter.
"Really because you screw her after a party, you get jealous over her when Harry talked to her, you save her from fucking killing her self and hurting herself, she goes through something traumatic again and once again your in her bed, she's struggling and then your there at her side in a heart beat, she gets back and you break things off immediately with Alice and then screw her again! You love her, hell you haven't screwed anyone since that party at the beginning of the year."
"I don't love her."
"You say you don't, but you're a liar." He laughs.
"Fuck." I mutter under my breath.
"Exactly so let's talk." He pauses
"All you two do is pull away from each other, does that not hurt?"
"It hurts so fucking much, but it feels good." I mumbled as I rub my head
"So the question is do you take that, is that something you want for the rest of your life? The pulling away from each other and never happy?"
"Blaise I don't know what to fucking do, all I know is she needs time. She needs time to heal, because all she's done is used my as a void or an escape from her trauma."
"Ok, ok, but I never knew Malfoy would fall for someone, especially like her." He snickers.
"What do you mean like her?" I asked with a slight hint of aggregation in my voice.
"I mean cmon Malfoy, she loves to study, she's a good girl, she has a perfect life, and she's total opposite of you."
If only he knew.
"Yeah." I breath out.
"But you fell for Luna?" I continue.
"Luna took me by surprise I guess. She was getting bullied by those good for nothing Gryffindors and I helped her out, I didn't mean to fall for her at all." He laughed.
"See."
"What?" He asked
"We don't mean to fall for the people we fall for, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't." I mumble before standing up to go to my room.
I look up at the ceiling with my hand over my chest. After doing absolute shit all day I was tired. Maybe I was just exhausted from the off and on of me and Adlepha. I really had no idea what to do.
It was like I was the only one who tried and I was hanging onto nothing, but every time we swear it's over we only want each other more. I shut my thoughts off and rolled over in the bed to finally try and sleep.
I was up and down throughout the night, till finally it was the next day.
The days went by in a blur. One day i went with Blaise and Luna on a double date with Alice. One day I sat at stared at my ceiling for hours and showered. The next day I went with Blaise to get a tux for the Yule ball which was tomorrow. I decided to just go with all black and a black turtle neck to go underneath. It wasn't anything special to me.
I figured black would match with Alice green dress. I grabbed a small thing for her wrist or whatever you call them with green flowers.
I set the things up for tomorrow and decided to try and sleep. I couldn't sleep though, all I could think of was what Adlepha might be doing, or who she might be going with, or what dress she'd be wearing. All I could do was think about her and I hated it.
I meant nothing to her and I couldn't get that through my stupid little head. I walked into the bathroom connected to my bedroom, and looked into the mirror.
"She doesn't like you Malfoy, move on." I whispered under my breath.
I let my head fall. My knuckles were turning white from how hard I was squeezing the marble counters.
"God dammit!" I screamed slamming my fist into the mirror.
Thank god Blaise was with Luna. I shook out my hands as I whispered curse words under my breath. I looked back up to the mirror that had a hint of blood and a huge crack spiraling upward.
I let out a shaky laugh as I looked back at my hand.
Over a girl?
Seriously? This wasn't like me and I hated it. I hated every ounce of myself. I hated myself for not being what she needed. I hated myself for not protecting her. I hated myself for not being able to move on.
It was becoming hard to breath as I ran over thoughts in my head. It felt like the walls were closing in on me. Like I had no space to even turn around. My vision was blurry. My hands were sweaty and shaky. My throat was closing up.
<> "Draco you're having a panic attack, set in the shower and turn it on. Wrap your arms around you tightly." "Aren't you going to get in?" I said shakily as the cold water hit me. "If you'd like me to." "Please." "Okay." I watched as she climbed in with her clothes on. She sat behind me and wrapped her arms around me. "You're okay. You're with me and you're safe I promise. It won't hurt for much longer."
I stumbled over to the shower and turned the water on, if it was hot or cold I don't know. I quickly stepped into the shower and sat down. I wrapped my arms around myself and sat there and closed my eyes. I just needed her here with me.
I pretended I was okay. The cold water hit my back, cooling my sweaty body down.
I slowly stripped my clothes off and threw them out. My vision slowly became clearer, I could breath easier, I wasn't sweating, the walls slowly expanded back out.
I stood up and took my regular shower, turning the water on hot. I brushed my hair back and let the water hit my face.
I headed to bed after my shower mentally preparing myself for tomorrow and the ball.
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