The Woman in the Letter

PART 2

Paul Abrams ... The only son of the Abrams family, whom young girls look out of the corner of their eyes ... When everyone says to me, 'What a handsome boy,' they mean 'What did this man find in you?' At first, I felt the same way about other people. Later, although I liked Paul's appearance, I felt that his inner world did not match mine. It was just one of the lies I told myself, trying to make up why I don't love Paul anymore.

One of the most incomprehensible features of Paul was his extreme romance. This feature, which once excited me, now irritates me. For example, according to Paul, love words written in telephone messages were not as sincere and real as the words written by hand. So since we met, he writes me a love letter at least once a week, sometimes twice a week, and after each meeting, he would either give it to me or put it in my bag. The subject of the letters was either a poem about me or a short story or an exaggerated sentence about how much he loves me. After reading them, I used to keep them in a small wooden box. Yes... I have a special box for letters. Later, the number of letters increased, and I began to collect them in a larger box because I did not want to throw them away. After each meeting, I looked curiously into my bag to see if there was a letter. For me, Paul was one of those models on the cover of foreign magazines that I dreamed to have a family when I was a child. But now, I cannot bear to see one of the letters. I wanted to throw the letter in a place that Paul could not see. But knowing that his eyes were on me, I crushed the letter in my hand.

When I saw my father's cousin coming through the door, I greeted them. I motioned to my mother that everything is fine. Then I stepped aside and opened a piece of paper. Each time he found different words to write. Sometimes I even advised him to think about writing. He did not take me seriously. I could not convince him that I was serious. I used to read every letter he wrote to me with enthusiasm. But now I read only to let him know that I had read it, to answer him if he suddenly asked me a question about the letter. I took a deep breath after seeing the first word in the letter.

"Darling ... Everything ... I love you more every day, every moment, every second. The thought of not being able to take back every second that has passed without you so far disappoints me so much ... I wish I could see you sooner. I wish I could live longer. But I know, even if I may not be able to bring back the past, I want to make your every second happier as you lived 100 years. Natalie, I know you will say I'm impatient again. But you are the only person I want to see when I open my eyes in the morning. When I saw the bride and groom, I dreamed of you in a white wedding dress. Natalie, I love you very much. I'm waiting for you on the right side of the restaurant"

For a moment, my knees lost their strength. I looked for a place to sit, but I did not have the strength to go to the nearest sofa. I ... I was playing with a man's life. I understood that now. I have been thinking that I still have time to tell truth. Every day I was planning to explain myself to him tomorrow. And the next day I was planning the same thing again and again. But now, it was the end of the road and I did not have any confessing reason to break up with the man that I promised to live forever.

"Are you okay, Natalie?" I didn't even notice when my mother approached me. She stared at the paper in my hand. "What's in your hand?"

I froze. As a child, I wanted to hide behind my mother and wanted everything to end for a moment. I wanted to hug her and cry. I pursed my lips. I shook my head and lied "No ... Don't worry, everything is fine"

"Are you sure? You seem exhausted. Are you tired ?! " she looked suspiciously.

"I said no. I'm fine don't worry" I couldn't finish what I wanted to say. If I continued, my voice would tremble and I would cry. I wanted to hug my mother again, as I did in every failure, in every difficulty, in every dilemma. My mother always told me that even though I was 27, I still hadn't grown up. I never wanted to grow up. Now ... At that moment, I still wanted to be my mother's little girl more than anything else. Probably, she would be ashamed if she knew that his little daughter, who was not afraid to make mistakes and was not ashamed, was about to destroy a man's life. But of course, she would learn. Families would know about it. Everyone wanted to know why. The reason was very simple. I lost my excitement. But I could not tell anyone. I was afraid that everyone would hate me when they found out that I had lost faith in this love and Paul is not the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But I knew I had to face this terrible end.

"I better go out and get some air and come back," I said. I went down the stairs without waiting for her answer.

"Take jacket Natalie. It is cold outside "

Without looking at her, I raised my hand showing her everything is ok, went down the stairs, and approached the door. As I walked to the back of the restaurant, I remembered my keywords one by one. You can do it. You can do it. You can do it.

Today must be the last night that I see Paul tonight.