There We Go

1.

DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT READ IF I STAY OR WHERE SHE WENT

ONE

This whole trip has literally been a total wreck. I only performed three shows so far and about a third of the seats in the auditoriums don't fill which really lowers my self-confidence. I went and saw Adam a few days ago but he told me to go back to New York. Currently i am at the airport listening to Collateral Damage because ever since i started talking to Adam again i feel way more comfortable to listen to them. When i left for Juilliard i completely stopped listening to Adam's music because i loved him so much that he was the only person i had left to hate. I am honestly so happy that Adam and I met up at my concert or else i still would be hating myself for hating him these past three years. I can finally be able to let a huge burden off of my chest. I feel like my family, watching over me and all, is letting all these great things happen. I know i hear their voices constantly but for some weird reason i am hearing someone elses voice. It is neither Mom, Dad, or Teddy so i really don't understand what is happening. It sounds very very familiar but i just can't put a name on it. This person has told me to stay with Adam and go on that New York "scavenger hunt". They have pushed me to go through all these orchestra tour concerts. I just really wish i can put a name on this unknown voice. I really really need Adam right now because he is the only one who actually understands and doesn't think that it is creepy that i hear these voices. Adam is in a show right now so i can't just interrupt him because that will lead to me being the most humiliated person in this world.

Finally i have landed back in New York. It feels really good to be able to go to my "home" and just relax; without worrying about what Adam is up to, what happened in the accident, and who this voice belongs to. I grab a bottle of wine, out of the cabinet with Adam's favorite animal plates in it, and pour myself a glass. I walk up my stairs, which have turned incredibly creaky and loud, and sit and watch the stars. I start feeling my head get dizzy and that's when i know the flashback is coming.

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Im on my way to my first concert in front of over 100 people. i know 100 people doesn't sound that scary but trust me it really is. I am on my way to the concert when I see flashing lights coming towards me. I pull over to the side when i see him. This is the first time i have seen Teddy since the car ride, the day of the crash. I need to get out of the way of these flashing light but i can't hit Teddy, i just can't. The lights keep on approaching faster and faster until they are about 1000 feet behind me. I know my only option is to go towards and hit Teddy, but i can't. I don't want to go a day without my little brother. If he gets hit in his "ghost" form, will i ever get to see him again. He helps me get through concerts, friendship, and of course getting over Adam. I don't need his 8 year old voice out of my head, even though, now he would be about 12 years old. It was a last minute decision and i swerve and hit Teddy. His ghostly form is bleeding everywhere. I know i can't get out of the car to make sure he is okay but i know his ghost is forever gone now. I finished my concert last night and all i can think about is how i will never be able to hear Teddy's voice ever again. I am heartbroken. I have lost my earthly family, Adam, and now the ghost form of Teddy. I can't do this any longer. I get home and get myself a nice warm bath ready. I make sure to add my favorite bath bomb: honey and sugar. All of a sudden the smoke alarms in my apartment are going off. I just sit and watch the fire absorb every single thing of mine until there is nothing left but me.

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I woke up from the nightmare all sweaty. I decide it would be a good time to take a shower, so that is exactly what i do. I start the shower and get in. The warmth of the water sends shivers down my body when i first step in. I first wash my hair and condition it. Next i washed my body with my new lavender scented soap. And finally i shave my legs because you can start to see a little bit of stubble. I get out of the shower and pick out my clothes for the day. I choose my light-wash jeans and a royal blue polo. I pick out my favorite cream sweater and put it on over my polo. I make sure the collar of my polo is sitting on top of the sweater so that i look a little more sophisticated. I don't even understand why i want to look sophisticated but ever since Adam and i started talking i felt the need to try and look good everyday. I can no longer stay in bed all day on days that i have off. I know this is the best for me but its really hard getting up out of bed without Adam here with me. I know that he will be back in about three days but i still miss him terribly.

I walk downstairs and make myself a pot of coffee that i drink every single morning. I pick out my favorite mug with little bears holding balloons and pour the amazing scented coffee into the cup. I take a sip and realize i forgot the most important thing, sugar and my hazelnut creamer. I go to the refrigerator and realize that i forgot to pick some up from the store. I grab my purse and head out to find a cab to take me to a market. It takes about fifteen minutes before a cab stops and i get in and tell him the address of the nearest market. We get there in about ten minutes and i grab my creamer and hail another cab to take me home to my apartment. When i get back home i pour the creamer into my coffee and reheat it in the microwave. I sit down on my leather couch and turn on the television. It is about 10:30 in the morning which means i can watch the last half hour of my favorite show, The Price is Right. I have watched this show since i was about 6 years old. I always watched it with hot chocolate but now that has turned to coffee. After the show ends and i finish my coffee i decide to go walk around the city. I throw on a pair of yoga capri pants and my purple and white sports jacket. I dressed all sophisticated for nothing today i guess. Anyways, as i walk of the house and lock the door, Ernesto is walking towards the apartment stairs. I can't see him. I haven't talked to him since i started talking to Adam because i knew it would stir up trouble.

"Hey Mia. I haven't spoken to you in a while, how have you been?"

"I'm doing okay. My shows aren't going the greatest but my cello is going good."

I can't believe i am actually deciding to talk to him. Our convo lasted about five minutes because he had to get going back to the auditorium so that he could play with the orchestra. I miss play with the orchestra but i know its for my own good to not participate in it any longer.