A Long Nine Months

8: Fidelius Part 2

Lily carefully set Harry down, nestled between a pillow and the couch cushion before collapsing onto the sofa next to him, her head falling into her hands and her shoulders shaking with unrestrained sobs. James eased himself into the seat next to her and wordlessly wrapped an arm around her shoulders, tears falling down his own face.

"Why our son? Why Harry?" Lily asked through her fingers, her voice shaking.

James shook his head wordlessly before he finally managed to softly say, "I don't know."

They sat in their living room in silence, mourning their poor luck. Worry ate away at their every bone until it was a physical ache, emanating deep in their bodies. Tears streamed down both of their faces and neither bothered to wipe them away since more quickly hurried to replace every tear that fell. The sun slowly began to rise, peeking through their curtains and it wasn't until they heard a flock of morning doves cooing that either of them spoke again.

"What do we do?" Lily whispered, her voice hoarse.

James mindlessly conjured a glass, filled it with water, and handed it to her. "We choose a secret-keeper," he responded, his voice sounding much more sure than he actually was.

"Dumbledore suggested we choose him," Lily replied, downing the glass of water in a few large gulps before refilling it herself and passing it to James. "We'd be safe with him."

James drank from the glass slowly, then set it down on the table at their feet and wrung his hands together. "I don't know...," he said uncertainly.

"I know what you think of his leadership style and not letting anyone know too much about what's going on in the Order. But, you can't deny that he is a powerful wizard that can keep Voldemort at an arm's length and keep us safe," Lily pressed.

"I know, I know," James said. He pressed his fingers together and held them in front of his mouth, thinking hard. "He is obviously very smart and an excellent planner, but that's also the only thing that makes me doubt him. He has all these ideas and plans of how to win the war, but his only true loyalty is to winning, no matter the cost. If it came to choosing between Harry's safety or happiness and winning a battle, I know which way he'd fall."

"But in this case, don't they go hand in hand? If Harry really is somehow the key to defeating Voldemort, wouldn't keeping him safe be in Dumbledore's and the Order's best interest anyways? Even if it wasn't out of loyalty to us?" Lily asked. Her nose and eyes were flaming red from the past hour of crying, though she didn't care. The glass of water didn't seem to do anything for her parched throat, sore from the sobs, though she refused to not invest every ounce of attention into the problem at hand.

"We can't predict the future. I just know that I'd rather have the secret-keeper be someone loyal to us, not to the cause," James responded firmly, looking her straight in the eyes.

Lily searched his face for a moment before sighing, already knowing that they were both thinking of the same person. "Sirius would be as safe a choice as Dumbledore, I suppose. He would never give us up."

James gave a stiff smile, a ghost of the grin that usually lit up his face. "I couldn't agree more." He leaned forward and kissed Lily's chapped lips, the familiar glow erupting in his chest like it was their first kiss. She reached up and cupped his face, feeling nothing but his love and devotion as their lips met. When they parted, they both gave sad smiles before peeling their eyes away from each other. Lily raised her wand, sending a silvery-blue doe cantering into nothingness to carry their message to Sirius.

Wrapped in each other's arms, Lily and James waited in silence for Sirius to arrive. Minutes later, the garden gate creaked open and with a brief knock on the door, Sirius let himself into the living room, letting the door swing shut behind him.