Apathy

Prolog

They say that you are supposed to feel bad after feeling someone die in your hands. But honestly right now as I'm staring down at the fat dead body I feel nothing. It's true. I don't feel disgust, hate or any ting really. He was a swine, he got a heat attack, I did CPR, but in the end karma took him... end of the story I guess.

Well now that this meeting was cut short I have time for breakfast, is what I'm thinking as I stand up. The ambulance personal who showed up just before he died stop me as I'm about to leave the office of a dead guy. I explain what happened to them but they seem to think that I have now suffered some kind of traumatic stress. However kind, their efforts are waisted on me and I tell them that while giving them my card for later contact. Then I walk determined  out of the room because now I missed a chance at breakfast and I have an other meeting now. Still feeling nothing.

To be honest in the beginning the apathy kind of bothered me. Because not only did I have to deal with the internal fight of not feeling as I used to. I also had to hear the nagging of the people around me. "It will get better" "it's just a phase" "have you tried therapy". The answers to those statements are as follows no, no and yes. I tried therapy, I tried for years. I tried medicines, drugs anything really just so that I could feel something agin. The problem was that it all just made me more numb inside. It also destroyed my body and my mind completely.

After a while I realized I don't have to have feelings to lead a normal life. Just because I don't feel empathy doesn't mean that I do not have morals. I do have morals lots of them and it's these morals that keep people alive and well. And let's be honest for a second, not having emotions it's kind of useful. Especially when you run a billion dollar company.
As a young woman may I add. I started the company from scratch and now only seven years later it's a billion dollar company so nothing special really. Following a plan and aiming for a goal is really easy when your emotions doesn't hinder you. When I was 14 I set my goal of becoming the richest person alive I started my company at 18 and look at me now. I'm the 4th richest person in the world and I haven't even hit my 30s yet.

You know it's kind of huileries that even with all my success I still don't have the respect. It's mostly the respect of men that I lack. Honestly it doesn't bother me in the least, only problem is that it is bad for business. And we can't have that now can we.