Mental Ward

Hospital

The visions in my head couldn't go away. That Summer night of 2011. I remember the window being open, sending nice breezes down my spine. The silence of the night. It was beautiful. But he ruined it. He ruined everything for me. The visits became stronger. I can still remember his scent & his disgusting moans escape from his mouth. His sweat drooped down on my bare chest, not stopping. He saw my tears... He never stopped.

These damn visions. I always have these before I go to sleep. Why? Why do I have to have them? I don't want to remember anything from that night. Why can't that chunk of my brain just dissappear.

I get off of my bed & walk carefully into the bathroom in hope not to wake dad. I turn on the light & stare at myself in the mirrior.

"You're so pathetic." I whisper to myself.

I open up the cabinet to see if there were any sleeping pills. I smile when I notice the pill bottle but sadly, it was empty. Setting it back in there, I notice a razor. My dad's razor for when he shaves his face. My fingers slowly approach it, grabbing it. I roll up my sleeves & examine the past cuts I did before. Dad never knew about this.

Do it. I dare you. Slide that across your wrists. Do it. Don't be weak. Don't be a chicken. End it all now. Take your shot.

My mind spoken to me. It's clear. I should do this. Maybe it'll make everything go away. The pain, the visions, the suffering, the guilt.... Everything.

I press down the razor vertically. I closed my eyes & pictured my happy place hoping it will make me forget the physical pain. The voices started again, encouraging me even more. I then slide the razor up, making the deep cut about 3 inches. Blood splattered everywhere. The drop of the razor was pretty loud. Footsteps were coming l. Shit.

"Kendall? You in there?" He asked as he knocked on the door.

Before I could reach for the lock , the door opened. His eyes widened at the bloody sight.

"What did you do?!" He yelled as he grabbed my bloody wrist.

He began to yell even more. He exited out & took his phone , probably to call 911.

"Dad. It's ok. I'm happy now. Don't you worr-" My words began to slurr as my vision became blurry.

There was nothing but silence like that one night. Before I knew it, all I saw was the spacious color of black. Just black. No light. Just darkeness.

•••••••••

*Beep..Beep..Beep..Beep..Beep..*

The sound began to grow louder & louder. I groaned & open my eyes to bright lights. Oh God, don't tell me I failed my suicide.

I look around & see dad asleep in the hospital chair & some monitor detecting my heart rate. I wish this was a dream. This is the last place I want to be in. My coughing began to wake up dad. His face lit up when he saw I was awake.

"Kendall! Thank God. Thank God. I thought I lost you my babygirl. " He cried as he swiped his thimb across my cheeks delicatly.

"Hey dad... When can we go home?" I asked.

He looked at me like I was crazy. "Honey, you need time to recover from your.... ahem... cuts." He whispered.

I look down at my wrist to see a huge gash with stitches. Did I cut that deep? Scary what I'm capable of sometimes...

.....................1 week later.................................

My hospital time was over! It felt more like a lifetime than a week. After changing into my regualr clothes, I was eager to go back home.

"Alright dad. I'm ready to leave." I say with excitement.

"Not so fast, sweetheart. You have to Doctor Davis in his office... You both have some stuff to discuss.." My dad practically mumbled.

I then notice my suitcase in his hand. It was pretty big. Looked like it packed to go somewhere.

"Ah, Kendall. Just the person I was looking for. Come with me." Doctor Davis spoke.

I looked back at my dad with confusion. He just kept a blank stare. I began to follow the doctor to his office. He closed the door behind us & sat behind his desk. I sat myself across from him, with nothing but the loud ticking of his clock.

Doctor Davis began to look through his folders while humming Mary Had A Little Lamb. That's not weird at all..

"Alright. Now, Kendall...I see you've been cutting yourself & your father & I have been wondering... Why?" He asks as he leans back in his chair & fingers pressed up against eachother.

"Those were accidents. I was sleepwalking."

"Kendall, I know when someone is lying. Just tell the truth."

"There's nothing to tell when I already told you the truth." I argue.

"Alright. Let's not argue here. But I do have something to tell you."

I cross my arms across my chest & wait for whatever bullshit he's gonna tell me now.

"Your father decided that these cuts of yours need to be.... helped with. He believes you're going through trouble & he wants you to go somewhere where you can get help. This is the place he consulted with us about sending you to."

Dr. Davis then hands me a brochure with a picture of a huge mansion - like - place that wrote the title ,"HeavensBerg". It also wrote 'Where happiness replaces your troubles'. I knew what this place was. A mental Institute.

" So... My dad thinks I'm crazy? I'm perfectly fine!" I yell.

"He already paid for the whole year you're going. He feels that this is the right thing to do & , in his words, what your mother would want as well."

I scoff & exit out the room with anger built up inside. I wanted to get an explanation from my father. I'm perfectly fine. I'm not going to a mental institute when I'm already sane!

"Wait , Kendall! Please stop!" Dr. Davis shouts as he runs after me.

"Where's my father?! He was right here!" I yell.

"He left. He already left. He dropped off your suitcase with all your clothes that you will need. You're leaving today."

"That's just crazy! How dare he leave his own daughter here & send her away to where ever the hell HeavensBerg is?!"

" I'm very sorry but you have to understand , he didn't want you to go but he feels that this place will help you."

"I don't need help. I need a better father. "

"He's a great father. But just do him this favor & leave to HeavensBerg. It's not a bad place. Patients gotten better over there. A girl your age did the exact same thing as you did. She stayed for about 6 months & gotten better. She's living happily now. This is going to happen for you as well. Kendall, I understand the confusion & anger you're having but understand that your father loves you & wants you to get better. There's a van outside right now, waiting for you."

My thoughts were gathered everywhere in my head. Go. get better. You know you have a problem.

No. Stay. You're fine. You're not a crazy person.

I pick up my suitcase with hesitation & find my way put the hospital doors. There it was. The HeavensBerg van, with the driver eat a donut. I look back to see Dr.Davis watching.

"Go on. This van holds a huge opportunity for you." He says.

I roll my eyes & enter in. Buckling myself in , I watch out the window as Dr.Davis stands there with a cheesy smile. The van began to move. The fact that I don't even know where I'm going just bothers me. I honestly don't belive I'm going to get help. I swear I'm fine. I swear I'm sane.