The Woman in the Letter

PART 18

During the lunch break, I checked my social network accounts. I switched to my fake account to stalk the accounts of Paul's sister, who came from America a few months before his death, and his cousin and best friend, Jack. My family thought I would forget about what happened if we do not talk about this. But they were wrong. I regularly stalk Paul's family accounts. I was interested in the condition of his family, especially his mother.

Mrs. Sophie a photo of Paul taken in Italy 4 days ago:

Sophie Ahmadzada 23:55: It has been six months without you. Cannot get used to it. I lost all hope that I could get used to being without you.

His cousin Jack shared another photo of Paul and commented; Although months have passed, we have no plans to stop the search. We thank all our relatives for their support.

I just do not understand what they were hoping for. I felt an ache in my heart while reading hopeful comments about the disappearance of Paul. For me, It would be a miracle to find Paul's body in the river after all this time. As I slid down the screen, I read hate comments about me more than they supported Paul's family. It was not the first time. I was almost used to it. The word whore or bitch was the lightest of them all.

How can a boy like Paul love such a devil?

They were not satisfied with the insult, they discussed that I had cheated on him and rejected Paul's proposal because I loved someone else. No one care whether the news was given to people or the events told were true or one-sided. Nobody... No one even asked why this girl did that. Maybe Paul did something wrong or Paul may be guilty in this relationship. There was only one truth for the people. If you are dead, then you are who is betrayed. I was not dead. Paul was. I just almost died. Sometimes I feel like I have to answer everyone one by one. Then I realized that they would not believe me anymore.

After finishing my work in the evenings, I was involved in a course to learn a new version of the design program that the company always uses. It's been a month since I started, but I still haven't learned much about the program. After leaving the course, as I did every evening, I grabbed my coffee, made my way across Charles Bridge, and walked down the main street, which was crowded with locals and tourists. I needed it. I forget my loneliness when I saw people, their joy, their excitement when they saw new places and historical buildings. Sometimes I even see tourists from my hometown and have a little chat with them for a while and then I continue on my way. It was very strange and pleasant for me to get to know my natives at a glance in another country. Then the streets calmed down, I went home and I was overwhelmed by my inner voices. I miss my life a lot. Not only for the homeland, not for my family. I was looking for myself everywhere. I could not find me even though I knew it was somewhere inside me.

After taking a shower, I took 2 antidepressants. As I drank, I saw a small flash of light in a dark room. The phone's screen light dimmed and turned on again. I drank my water, wrapped my hair in a towel, and picked up the phone.

Henry was calling me for the second time since moving to Prague. When I tried to contact him again and again, he ignored me. My brother was the one who most opposed my leaving. He thought that I showed people that they are right. But he didn't take into account that I was too weak to fight.

"Natalie..." he took a deep breath. He was tired. "How are you?"

My jaw trembled and I pursed my lips. "Good. How are you?" I said with a shivering voice.

"How are you doing?"

At first, I could not say anything. Then I sat on the edge of the bed. My eyes slowly filled with tears.

You were right. I can't. I can not fight.

"Everything is fine" I can't move. I drown every day. I can't do it. I can't escape myself.

"Very well," he said quietly.

I listened to his silence. I missed him very much.

I could never show my love for my brother. But he knew that he is my weakest point. When I decided to move to Prague, it was most difficult for me to break away from my brother. I never hurt him like that.

"I ask mom about you, Nichole ... The child ... Mom says that the child is well. But haven't you thought of a name yet?" I asked. When they were engaged, Nichole and Henry wanted me to name their first child. Since then, I have found and remembered 4-5 names.

"It's too early"

"Henry" I was very angry with myself. I was not the one who cried so much. But now I forced myself not to cry. This was one of the main indicators of depression. I read from reliable sources on the Internet. Hypersensitivity. "It was a good call. I missed you very... very much" I said.

He paused for a moment. Then he said, "Me too." His voice was trembling. When he said "Natalie", from the tone of voice I understood that he wanted to move to another topic. "I'll tell you something, but don't worry"

I straightened my back.

"Mom... Does not feel well recently. She wants to see you"

I got up and opened the towel. It suddenly seemed to me that it's too heavy. "What happened?"

"I said don't worry. It is not that serious. But she wants to see you "

As I entered the kitchen, the wind from the half-opened window carried a chill in my still-dry body. "Henry. What's going on?"

"Doctor said it is cold. But the body is very weak"

"Give the phone to her. I want to talk to her "

"No," he said, quickly changing his mind. "Now we're here."

"Well then I'll call her number now"

He held the microphone of the phone in his hand. I thought he was probably saying something to Nichole. Then he took off his hand again. "If you call, she will not be able to pick you up. He is in hospital now"

"What? Hospital?" I felt a void in my stomach. I quickly approached the window and slammed the window with a fury. "Henry, I've never seen my mother feel so weak from a cold"

"As I told you. Doctors say he is weak"

My body was shaking. I was so stunned that I couldn't tell if it was due to cold or the news.

"Henry... Is there anything you are hiding from me?"

He did not answer.

"Henry!"

I heard his breath. "Natalie... She is in the hospital. She wants to see you. Find the nearest flight. We are waiting"

I had a feeling inside me that was dragging me deep down... I was still holding the phone in my ear even after Henry hung up, saying "Good night."

I knew something very well. I know my brother better than anyone. He is too bad at lying.