An Alpha's Diary

While I breath, I hope.

[Hikone's perspective]

Modern day Japan, labouring citizens buzzing at every opportunity to attain compounds of metal that we have bestowed the prominent noun money! My father too was eager to attain these pieces of copper and zinc, that my young mind did not understand the value of. Because my father understood the value of money, he decided to open a seafood restaurant by the beach. Oh, the beach! Its ethereality will always be etched into the core of my memory. The sun was in abundance. Every corner on this heavenly grainy floor was soaked by such warmth and familiarity. The water around the island was as clear as glass and blue like the sky, so the infinite depths of the sea were just a blink away. Fish small as rice grains flickered to and fro from the sandy beach to the cold but upbeat waves of the sea. Our family seafood store was covered with traditional lamps to attract customers to visit at night. You see humans share a likening to moths: they are both attracted to lights! Humans will swarm to any sort of bright light whether it be fireworks, a fatal fire or a lit up, small, welcoming seafood store by the beach!
The seafood store was my home away from home; I would spend hours there eating away, the delicacies were endless! The homeliness of our hearty meals was enough to enrapture a crowd of adventure thirsty tourists and locals who never stultified at our affordable banquets. But I guess a peaceful story isn't what you were captured by and the trepidation to come is why you chose my novel, so I'll move swiftly on to teach you of my wretched nightmare which is anything but fantasy!

[Name: Hikone.
Age: 26 years.
Height: 180 cm.
Gender: Male. He/him.
Appearance: He has a fawn androgynous mullet that protrudes from his scalp in the most ethereal of manners. Microscopic dark and hue less black eyes sit above his dainty blush red nose. He wears the skin of ground coffee however, smells of anything but it.]
Monday 7th April, XXXX.

Dear diary,
I really can't explain what's gone on today. My mind is numb. My hands are shaking whilst I write today's entry, so that's the reason why my handwriting may not be the most legible. Where do I start? Umm, I'm trying so hard to resist tearing up. I'd rather not have my precious diary be tear stained. I met a woman today. Gah, I said it! She heavily shared a likening to my mother, appearance wise. The woman, who remains unknown, was as skinny as my mother was; she had the exact same beauty mark above her small wrinkled lips. Her hair was as beautiful as ever; her stygian apricot coloured locks protruded from her scalp. However this time not elegantly but rather forebodingly! The similarities were abhorrent as if god himself was aiming to mock me and incarnated into flesh, disguised as my mother. Oh, my goodness this is so absurd. The woman never wore a smile just like my mother too!
My nails were seemingly endless and contaminated. My hair which once my father said resembled that of a lion's mane was now in disarray and beyond the point of what others know as overgrown. It was as if I was a macabre hairy beast from a fairy-tale. I had not left my home in an eternity! The convenience store was the first destination in summoning the courage of living a normal life I long fully desired. I would have never gone to the convenience store to pick up a bag of rice if my father had not slammed down my door and demanded that I leave once in a while. He truly does care for me but often the manner in which he conveys it can be a bit on the assertive side. My father said that my first move should be to go get him some rice so that he could cook for his long awaited guests to visit. You see my father rarely brings others over and this was to be of immense excitement and a great source of memories for him. Not that I understand the value of dependence on human love. I have never loved anyone and no matter how I looked at it my feelings towards my father were more of appreciation than what little I knew of love...
Ehem: the convenience store is where I encountered this identical to my mother...

I rushed to the convenience store in hopes of getting in and out as quickly as possible. I desperately wanted to avoid any annoyance. Yet it is as if God has always worked in my opposition and predisposed that I shall perish with every action I take. All I wanted to do was purchase a bag of gosh damn rice and then once again hide within my most favourite form of escapism; the pages within an old, tattered hardcover book! Was it selfish to believe that I could possibly live an eternity of peace. I darted into the convenience store. The smell of nothingness overridden my senses. I would at least have thought that the smell of 2 day old mouldy crisps would linger in the four corners of the store but no. there was nothingness. There were no smells as if the bell on the store's door had zapped away a sense of smell with the magic power of its chime. But no, there was nothing, it was as dull as I had remembered it years ago. However, I could hear a bothersome buzzing coming from the unsanitary fridge in the far left corner. I headed straight to the aisle where I thought the rice would be; thankfully, I was correct. I reached out to the packet, my bony hands covered in the safety of the sleeves of my oversized hoodie.

I saw the shadow of another only a few steps away... I turned with hesitation. It was indeed my mother; a sinister jagged toothed smile was carved across her smooth supple skin. I rubbed my eyes to see a woman, a stranger who looked exactly like my mother. Thank god! However, by this time I had already micturated... that's right the sheer amount of anxiety and fear I felt had forced me to 'answer the call of nature'. I am beyond ashamed I had run out of the store. I returned home empty handed to which my father looked at me with disgust echoing within his pupils. So I ran once more to the safety of my room...

Dear Diary, it seems this is all I have the willpower to recall today so Good Night.