The Woman in the Letter

PART 19

I put the headphones in my ear, started the meditation music recommended by Madeline, and closed my eyes. I had to focus on my breath. But I couldn't think of anything but my mother. Since Paul's suicide, I feel like I have no control over my emotions. For a second I thought. What was I doing before Paul? How was my life before him? To find the answer to the question, I thought about the day I first met Paul. Nobody knew the real story. We both believed that great coincidences bring great happiness. But the opposite happened. It started with blood. It's over with the blood. I caused the death of a man who saved me from death.I was waiting for the end of my favorite December to end. We have a few days left to leave 2018 behind. January was going to be very comfortable for me. We had to finish all the projects, and then I would get an annual permit and do nothing for 15 days. I did not plan to go anywhere, nor did I choose books to read. I just wanted to do nothing. Living a planned life exhausted all my patience. It seemed to me that the planned lifestyle was making me robotic, killing my feelings.Like many nights, I finished my work late that night. Before closing the office door and walking down my favorite street to the subway, I put on my headphones and started my favorite music. The music slowly took away all my tiredness during the day. I saw very few people that day on the street where there were more usually. But I loved that street, not because it was crowded, but because it was quiet.Suddenly I felt warmth behind my left foot. Then I started to stumble, and I felt my left leg slowly lose its resistance. Then a large hand with black gloves grabbed my mouth and dragged me back. He brought it to the rubbish bins in the middle of the building and pulled me to the ground. The blood from the wound on my leg darkened the color of my sky-blue jeans. Someone in a black suit held a knife to my nose. As he pulled my bag I felt like my shoulder cracked. Then he quickly ran into the darkness. Everything happened very quickly. I thought I was going to die. I froze. I could not move for a few minutes. All my muscles were frozen. It seemed to me that He had not yet left. Like He was still following me into the darkness, and as soon as I got up he would kill me this time with his knife. Then, when I tried to scream with all my might, I could not stop crying like a baby. With sudden energy, I got to my feet, dragged my left leg, and moved to escape the darkness. I put my hand on the wound to stop the bleeding, but blood flowed between my toes as I pressed each foot to the ground. I threw myself forward, giving strength to my right leg. Then I tried to move with my hands, leaning against the walls of the old building. I couldn't gather myself.Then I finally saw the headlights in the distance. the car's lights illuminated the surroundings as they approached like sunlight. I looked back and checked that he still hadn't come after me. It was not visible in the light, but I could still feel it in the dark corners. I went to the side of the road and raised my hand in the air. I could not stand on my feet for long. "Please help!" I shouted as the car passed me. I felt like he will come now. He would attack again. I went back and looked to see if it was a new car. "Please help!" my voice was a little louder. This time, I hoped that at least those who lived in the buildings would help me. But people quickly looked at me, pulled back their curtains, and hid.Suddenly I heard the sound of the brakes. When I turned my head, I saw a red light coming back. This was the car that did not stop a few seconds ago. The car door opened quickly. He ran to me. He stared at me with puzzled eyes like he is looking at the dead. He was breathing deeply, his chest was moving back and forth, he was still looking at my face in a daze, waiting for me to say something. He scratched his beard and looked at my feet. Then he stretched out his black tie with his hand like a snake wrapped around his neck."What happened to you?" He asked. I squeezed my left leg with both hands and said, "Somebody stabbed me in the leg and took my bag" My voice sounded like I hadn't spoken in years, and I was having trouble composing sentences.He bent down and took off his tie. When I put it on my leg and tightened the tie again, I felt my body temperature rise. He put one arm on my legs and grabbed my waist with the other. He took me in his arms, opened the back door with his finger, and helped me to sit inside.When doctors take me to the emergency room, the man who had rescued me asked me to tell him the number of one of my family members. After writing the number, he smiled at me and said, "Don't worry. Everything will be good. I'll wait here to see if my tie helps you"On my second day in the hospital, my mother took more sedatives than I did. My father was not affected by sedatives. As much as I told them I was fine, it didn't help. They felt guilty about what had happened to me. I was annoyed that my family still treated me like a child. But in my heart, I felt valued for their never-ending concern.Then He came. First, he put his head inside the door and checked to see if it was my room. My mother was already smiling when she got up. "Welcome," said my mother. I wondered when and how they knew each other. My eyes searched for my father.I tried to correct myself in bed. For some reason, I did not want to look helpless and powerless in front of him. My mother looked at me. "The man who saved your life," she said. Then she smiled at him again and said, "Our daughter owns her life to you""Oh. Do not say that, please. Anyone would do the same" he said. However, they did not. Everyone was watching me from the window as if watching the play.I lost myself when he looked at me. I did not know how to stop. I tried to smile. But I felt that it was foolish to try to look happy when I was in bed.I said, "Your tie... It worked"First, he raised his eyebrows and tried to understand what I meant. I was ashamed. I didn't know I could make such an inappropriate joke. Then I understood and smiled a little."But you owe me a new tie," he said. He was still laughing. Although he was joking, I took his words seriously."Of course" I replied, and then fell silent for a few seconds. My mother could not find a word to say.Then, without taking his eyes off me, he held out his hand and said "Paul"I was still looking at him. "Natalie" mom replied instead of me. "She is still under anesthesia. She reacts a little late" she lied.The first thing that came to my mind when I shook his hand was that his hands were very strong. I thought the same thing when he strangled me.