Help! I was sold to Shrek! - (Shrek X Reader)

~Chapter 4~

"Hey Y/N I just wanted to say, I am so so sorry for the way I have been acting, I should have never sold you for a penny. Please come home with me, who else would I have to test my crack?" My pathetic mother begged. "I hate your sorry ass, I love shrek And I am staying with him, there is nothing you can do about it. I will never taste your crack again and I will NEVER go home with you EVER." I scream. "I will call the police on your precious shrek for adating a minor, how would you like them apples! So you better come home with me or he will rot in jai-" my mother rants. But all the sudden! Shrek hits her over the head with a 20 foot dildo that is purple, and thicc and has spikes on one end and bumps on the other. She goes down with a large thump and start bleeding out on the floor. "I am sorry my little girl, I know that was your mother, but I couldn't let her tear us apart." shrek pleading "Oh shreky weky poo, its okay she was getting in the way of our love. We will talk about why you have that 20 foot dildo later, for now we need to hide the body!" I panicked. Then all of the sudden, Fiona wakes up from me beating the shit out of her! "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE DID YOU JUST KILL THAT LADY?!?!" she shrieked. Then shrek quickly shoved a massive butt plug that must have weighed over 100 tons into her mouth. We quickly dragged both my mother and Fiona outside, we tied Fiona to a large boulder, and shrek threw her in the swampy waters with his strong muscly arms. Oh man, his arms are so big, what I would give for him to slap me in the face and call me his whore. Anyways, he then dragged Fiona who was screaming into the water. "I don't want to wait any longer, from the first day I met you I knew you were the one. Will you do me the honour of being my naughty naughty girl for the rest of eternity? Will you marry me Y/N?" Shrek asked me. I can't believe this is happening! I never imagined I would even be able to get married, let alone to such a sexy beast! I thought by now I would be dead in some sketchy ally overdosed on crack. I finally responded to him, "Yes yes, a million times yes, Let's get married right this second!" All of the sudden donkey jumps out and says, "Y/N, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, through massive shits or gross smelling dingleberries, through the nasty stench of armpit fungus or the smell of dead babies that comes from his asshole-" Donkey was about to say more, but I quickly interrupt, make a cute little face at My hunka hunka baby and say "I do" "Shrek, do you take Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife, through nice smelling hair or cute little farts that smell like a meadow on a spring day. Through cute little yawns or perfect looking hair right when she wakes up-" Shrek also interrupts Donkey with a burp then says "I do" "you now may state your vows" donkey said. "This is the most perfect place for us to get married, the place where we have finally left our crazy pasts behind. When I first met you, it was your smell that drew me in, that distinct scent of dog shit and rotting onions really got me going" I said. We still hear Fiona screaming and trying to gasp for air, but the buttplug is slowly sinking her down. "And now we can start our amazing future here together, and we can finally be happy! I love you so much daddy shrek <3" I said. Shrek then lets a real stinky one rip like a beyblade then says without passion "Same" "By the power vested in me from a man in Rumplestilskins sketchy shed, I now pronounce you oger and wife. You may nice kiss the cute little bride" We then proceed to make out for ten minutes straight.

They then live happily ever after, legend says you can still see the tip of the butt plug occasionally resurfacing from the swampy water.

The End