Outcast (The Humanum Resistance Prequel)

His hands wrapped around my neck. There was no way I could escape from his tight grip. “Please let go of me.... I don't want this...” I breathed quietly before I started to black out. I never asked for this, I never lead him on. I wasn't a whore, yet that's what he kept calling me. Whore, slut, skank. Those words embedded themselves in my head.

“Eleanor! Eleanor, sweetheart! What's wrong?” My mother called out, shaking me out of my reoccurring nightmare. “Sweetheart were you having that dream again? I can't understand why, it's what you wanted right?”

That woman sickened me but I nodded in agreement anyways. She wouldn't understand me, no one would. Tears rolled down my face. Everything was ruined and crumbling around me. I was the whore of our town that decided to get pregnant and have a baby at sixteen. Of course it couldn't have been rape, oh no, Eleanor Loury was in too powerful of a family to have been raped. But that was the true reason why on the other side of my room there was a sleeping child.

It wasn't enough steps until I reached him in his bassinet. His sleeping face was cute but it was painful to look at. Why did you have to avoid the abortion? I don't want you in my life. You're my biggest failure that I've ever had. The Loury family was not founded on failures and they do not take kindly to any failures within the family. My little Felix, you couldn't have been named any more ironically.

His stirring and gurgles broke me from my trance like state. I must have been standing there for at least a few hours. “You must be hungry.... come to momma.” My heart dropped as I called myself that but it rose a little as he smiled at me. He was handsome, I would give him that but he looked too much like his disgusting pig of a father. Perhaps I should have put him up for adoption sooner then I wouldn't get attached.

With a sigh, we headed downstairs. Felix seemed to enjoy being carried and being around people in general. His crying was horrid if he was left alone for too long. “Eleanor, what are you doing bringing him down here? You know your father and I don't want to see him around. He's your mistake that we shouldn't have to witness.” Mother's words cut deep.

“Would you consider helping me put him up for adoption?” My simple question earned me a scoff from mother. I figured she wouldn't help me out but it never hurt to ask. Felix squirmed in my arm, gurgling loudly. If only I wanted to keep you more then maybe things could be different.

 ***

“Happy birthday, dear Felix, happy birthday to you!”

My eyes lit up as the cake was set in front of me. I counted the six candles before I made my wish. I wished momma, grandma, and grandpa would love me more. The whole wish seemed empty but if it worked I would have been the happiest kid on the planet. After blowing out the candles one of the nice maids cut up the cake, giving me the biggest slice.

After getting all cleaned up I ran off to play with the toys I got. My favourite gift was that toy train set. Though it only went around and around on a track, it never had to stay there. It could leave the track and go on an adventure without anyone telling it otherwise. I wanted to be my little train and venture out to the unknown. What was in the woods that I wasn't allowed to go in? Could there really be anything that could hurt me? I doubted it but who was to know the truth? My train bumped into the foot of my grandpa while I was daydreaming. The pounding of my heart stopped as I looked up at him. He wasn't pleased and was more than happy to show that by kicking my train out of my hand. Lip quivering, I held my wrist. He hadn't needed to use that much force but there wasn't much I could do to stop him.

I decided it was best to just leave the room where all the adults were. With my train in hand I snuck into the servants quarters where I was always welcomed. “Little Felix, whatever are you doing here?” the older butler, James, asked while picking me up. He was never mean to me and always played with me when he wasn't busy. To him I was like the grandson he never had and so I called him Grandpa James. “I'm not busy right now, would you like to play?” His smile widened as my giggles filled the halls.

 ***

Darkness loomed in my room, shadows dancing across my walls. I clutched my little train tighter as the shadows began to make shapes. A short scream escaped my lips before a hand covered my mouth. “Be quiet! Don't make a fucking sound you spawn.” Momma's harsh voice jarred any sleep that might have been in me. Her small hands forcefully pulled me from my bed. “Get dressed.” She demanded, “We're going on a little adventure.” Perking up at the thought of an adventure, I got dressed as quickly as I could.

 ***

The drive was long but I felt like it was going to be worth it. Momma got out first, holding out her hand for me to take. She dragged me into an alleyway. Attempting to cling to her leg, I was pushed off. The darkness of the alley crept up on my as we went further down the way. I tugged on momma's dress, “Momma... where are we going? It's scary out here...”

“Shut up you devil spawn!” Her voice lashed out at me as she released my hand. The glare she gave me sent chills down my spine. As she started walking away, I tried to follow her. Unfortunately her strides here longer than mine so it made it difficult. Running to catch up, I tripped on my shoelace. She didn't stop or even look over her shoulder at me.

“Momma... where are you going? ...Momma?! .... MOMMA!”