𝗘𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹

ᴇᴘɪʟᴏɢᴜᴇ

2 YEARS LATER

Love is...

... a curse...

... a blessing...

... hurt...

... healing...

... love is everything we hate, yet everything we like.

It's been two years. Two years without the love of my life by my side. Two years since I last saw her face, since I last kissed her lips. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was in love with everything about her- her beauty and her flaws.

Love is the strong feeling for a person, the push towards one another. I had never experienced such a feeling before I met her. I craved her touch, her being, her presence. I craved her. Love is the unpredictable storm of emotions towards someone.

When we first met I had no idea why I approached her, but I had the strong urge to know the lonely girl that I saw at the cafe. I couldn't stop myself.

I hated the way she made me feel. I hated that my stomach would flutter every time her lips touched mine or how a smile would appear on my lips every time she laughed. Oh, her laugh, it was the most beautiful melody I had ever heard. I hated every emotion I felt, but at the same time I loved it.

The problem about love is that as soon as you love someone, you're giving this person a dagger pointed at your heart hoping that it would never pierce your skin.

Love kills.

But it also makes us feel alive.

People say that after a while the pain starts to fade. But her death shattered something inside of me that hadn't been broken before, leaving me with only the deep feeling of sorrow.

I had told her that I loved her, but then I said everything was a lie. When I thought about fixing my mistakes and telling her the truth, it was too late. Because now she's gone, and no matter how much I shout and cry, there's no way of bringing her back.

If she had five more minutes to live, I would have told her how much I loved her and that I knew that I wouldn't be able to survive without her. When we broke up, the sadness that I felt wasn't as strong as this feeling of sorrow, because then I knew that she was still alive- breathing. I knew there was still a chance of us being back together, and now this chance vanished away right in front of my eyes while I could only watch.

I watch her disappear- her light vanishing away from her eyes. I watched my everything being ripped away from me, helplessly. Some would say that it's best if you got up and tried to bring it back, but what if there's no way of doing anything?

I fucked up many times, but the one thing that I regret the most is breaking up with her. Because then, maybe I could have had more time with the love of my life. Then, she may have never died. But regret won't make the mistake undo themselves.

I still remember her last words. They still ring on my ears, torturing me with her sweet and soothing voice. The pained smiles that rested on her lips as her eyes closed stayed in my mind.

"I love you, Blake King."

"I love you, Blake King."

"I love you, Blake King."

It rings on my ears like a beautiful yet painful melody. No matter how much I tried to make it stop, or how hard I pressed my hands in my ears her voice would only get louder and louder, never once leaving me at peace.

I still remember the sticky feeling of her blood on my hands and clothes. The image of her laying down on my lap as she fought for her life with every bit of energy she had left on her body still fresh on my mind.

I wish for so many things, but the one that I want the most is impossible.

The memories we have shared are my favorites, but they are not near enough of the amount I wanted to have with her- they're not near a lifetime with her. I wanted to marry and grow old with her. I wanted to have our kids like we've discussed, but it seems like destiny had different plans for the both of us.

We had only a few months with each other but shared a love that could last a lifetime.

Two years without my love, my life, my light, my everything. Two years without her. I still remember her laying on the brown casket- looking as beautiful as ever, knowing that that was the last time I had seen her face, the last time I was able to see her.

The last time I was able to see the love of my life.

That was the last memory with her, and the most painful one. The hurt on my chest was, and still is, unbearable. Consuming me like a flame, controlling my life. The only one that could heal this hurt is the same one that laid in a casket- lifeless.

There was nothing I could do.

A tear ran down my cheek as I memorized every single detail on her face. I wanted to remember every single thing about her. I didn't want to forget her voice, her lips, her face. I didn't want to forget her.

I had pressed a kiss on her forehead as my hands caressed her cold cheeks- they were so damn cold compared to my warm hands. Her eyes were closed as she was finally free from all the cruelty that this world possesses, she was finally free to rest- unfortunately forever. She looked peaceful, beautiful...

... ethereal.

She was part of the best moments of my life and I want to tell people how incredible she was, so she can never be forgotten. But she's also the most hard story to tell, the most painful one.

All I have left of her are the memories and a letter that shows me all the happiness and sadness I've caused her. A letter that will haunt me forever, because no matter how much I try to deny pushing her away didn't save her, it only caused more pain.

But if there's one thing I promise...

... I'll love her forever and even still when forever runs out.

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