Far away.

IV

A frozen heart needs a loving flame to defrost it again.

I had expected a slap so that Harry would yell at me, that he might kiss me again or just tell me that I am completely stupid to kiss him, even though we only knew each other for a day. But none of this happened. I heard him fleeing by the rushing water.

I cursed and would have loved to have disappeared forever and ever.

I had messed it up by overdoing it.

I didn't even know if he was even straight and wouldn't do anything with a boy.

What the hell was I thinking?

Somehow I had to clarify that, I didn't want to lose Harry under any circumstances, I liked him too much for that. Wow. We knew each other for a day and I was already afraid of losing him. What went wrong with me? Okay, I was apparently in love. After a day. One day! That's not much time. And I couldn't name what it was either, but I had pretty clearly fallen in love with Harry. And if he didn't feel the same way, I would come up with some excuse for the kiss and cry quietly in front of me. But I wouldn't be able to bear it if he silenced me.

So I followed him and stumbled over a root as soon as I made it to the shore, because Clifford apparently still played with the girls, which I had absolutely nothing against! Only in that embarrassing moment would I have needed him.

"Harry, where are you?" I called out to Harry before I just kept walking.

"Here," it sighed right next to me, and I turned in the direction from which this simple word had come.

"Hey, it...", I stammered to myself, "I'm sorry that wasn't really planned that way. So..." "All right," Harry just said and put a towel in my hand, "Can we just forget about it and not talk about it anymore?" "Wow, okay," it just burst out of me, although I had decided not to say anything more in this case, "I have to admit, I'd rather have it otherwise, but if... If that's what you want. Sure. Forget." That was a complete lie. I would never be able to forget that. Shit. Probably it all went too fast for him. Or he was really straight.

Or just not interested in a blind boyfriend.

Who would be?

As Augustus Waters so charmingly explained in "The Fault In Our Stars": There is the circle with the crowd of all virgins and in it there is a much smaller circle with the gay blind ones.

"No, it's not," Harry continued, when I was already afraid that the thing had actually never happened and forgot, "It's just... I... I've never had a real relationship. I've been on tour almost non-stop since I was sixteen and I... I also can't have a normal relationship. This is not possible in the shadow of the music industry. Especially not when it comes to same-sex partners. I'm really sorry I can't give you what you want Louis, honestly. But... I don't want to fall in love any time soon."

"Woe bete if you go away now!" I said in panic as soon as he finished his last sentence, "I don't feel like stumbling over a stupid root again!"

"Why? It's very entertaining for everyone else."

"Haha. And now please lead me back to our berth, if you already give me a rebuff you cold-hearted monster!"

Of course, I meant it rather jokingly, but Harry was silent when he pushed me in a certain direction with a large hand between the shoulder blades.

So it wasn't even necessarily up to me, Harry had only closed himself off from love.

That was something I could work with.

I definitely wouldn't give up so easily, he wouldn't necessarily have to know that.

But I could talk to Mum about it, she could certainly give me two tips on the way. Of all the girls represented in our household, she was most familiar with boys. The twins were simply too young, Fizzy was still uncaught, and Lottie's first boyfriend was a total asshole.