How could I have gotten
so lost?
I thought I recognized where
I was going...
Until it hit me,
that I didn't know where
I was heading
or what read I was on -
it was dark...
the road signs
made no sense.
So I drove faster
and faster,
"Eventually something
will make sense,"
I thought.
Fear began to rise
in me,
and existential fear
of total isolation
and more.
Heart racing...
sweaty palms
and bedsheets.
It's just a dream...
So, I decided to get off
the road I was on,
to turn down another road.
It was a bizarre choice
there was nothing familiar
about this road,
unto which I was turning.
I had no idea where
it would lead -
some vague and unknown
instinct told me to turn.
I've had this dream
more than once.
I try to think about its meaning
adding my commentary
as an observing voice
in the dream.
The last turn
before I wake up...
I would never have taken the turn
if anything at all
about the road, I had been on
was at all familiar
and if I had not been
so desperately and passionately
scared and lost.
I always wake up
shortly after making the turn
because instead of relieving my fear
I begin to feel
even more terrified -
a sense of foreboding.
an even greater existential fear
then I had known previously -
my heart racing.
I get the thought,
even in the dream state,
"No, I cannot face THIS"
and so I wake up.
Yet there's no resolution,
never a coming to understand
how I have gotten
so lost.
YOU ARE READING
What Really Matters: Poems About Love, Loss, & Trauma
PoesíaThis is a collection of poems inspired by love, loss of love, and other tragic and traumatic events that began in late July of 2000 - so some poems are about love and others about the loss of that love. This is my autobiography in poetry form. I had...
