so from the last time i typed on these sheets alot has changed. yes in the last chapter i told everyone here i was gonna seek help in making me feel better. the help said i was doing fine and i just needed to keep my chin up. well i wasn't feeling 100% myself back then. it felt like there was a hole in my heart from where he had been. i thought to myself id never wanna get hurt like that again. so i build up a little wall and stopped the thing we used to do to avoid my own brain falling back into depression. sadly for me i couldn't bring to MSG or interact with him so he stayed on my friend discord thanks to my own fears. during this time i felt really shitty about myself and sometimes cried about it. during this time of me feeling shitty some people came forward as a friend. i have madsi as a BFF but sometimes he would not be on and id be in tears at 2AM thanks to my brain. but then a light was shining on me. his name was spitfire aka spit, he was there that night for me and listened to all my problems and was there for me when i needed people the most. over the next few months me and him became even better friends then what we were YAY. and even his BFF deven joined us in the friend group. it was great i felt like i could smile again and love myself for who i was just because i had these amazing friends by my side. i felt like i was lucky enough to have these friends with me.
one day about 3 weeks ago as im writing this i got a msg from my friend spitfire while we were in a call just the two of us. he asked me in DMs hey wanna go on a date? me being the person i was had to get a moment to think. "wait, omg have i caught feelings for him without even noticing?" turns out yes purple, yes you did stupid. so i said yes id love to go on date with you. being halfway around the world "dates" mean you meet but do something else fun. we decided on watching a movie (we kinda been doing that since i had a list aka bucket list kinda of movies i wanted to rewatch/watch). i was happy and felt like my heart could open up again. i was unsure thanks to that stupid asshole from before if it was gonna last if he truly would stay by my side. one day he was talking sweetly to me again like i love you kinda things when i heard the words that made me tear up from joy. purple i knew then you were THE ONE for me. he also shared with me as my friend madsi was concerned by, that he knew about what happend to my past relationship and would do all he can to make me happy. he even says daily as long as your happy i am too. i truly right now feel like im over the moon and i love him to infinity. that may change over time but to be honest i never want it to change i want him by my side NOW UNTIL FOREVER.
also during this time the same friends from the last update stayed and an old friend KAYLEIGH joined them in being amazing to me <3 i could not life without any of my friends. so if your reading this and am my friend i thank you for always being the lights in my dark tunnel. you mean alot to me thank you.
thank you all for reading this update on my life. i have no idea when the next one will be so be patient with me as i write more in the future as this is a new chapter to a better future!
