உறங்காமல் தேயவா!

~ உறங்காமல் தேயவா - 1 ~

The knots in his stomach were undoing itself as Jeeva's words were sinking into Kathir and the sound of his brother's voice seemed to grow more distant every second. The tinge of playfulness in Jeeva's tone didn't go unnoticed by him and neither could he believe his words that Mullai had cancelled the plan at the last minute. She hardly looked like someone who had wished to stay back home. The fidgeting of her fingers on her saree's end and her profusely sweating face carried not even an atom's weight of pretense. When he realised Jeeva ending the call without any coherent explanation about what his family happened to put him and her through that night made him shout back, "anne... anne...", into the already disconnected line in utter disbelief of his insensitivity.

Mullai stood there imprinting her figure into the pillar she leaned onto, wishing over the inexistent lucky star of hers to pull her into it for at least a single night. The shock she felt when he stepped into the house, was mirrored by his eyes too and his irritated demeanor to his brother over phone made it clear that his state was no less gruesome than hers. The way he spelt her name a few seconds back, like it was something he despised from the core of his existence, made her less worried and aggrieved all at once. Less worried because he hated her and that's more than anything she would ask for at the moment, especially at that odd hour having been left alone with him at home. Aggrieved because she didn't know the reason herself, a part of her soul cried every time she saw his downright negligence towards anything that even had a minutest connection with her.

A streak of sweat outlined her profile and splashed on the floor, his eyes gazed at the drop as it got sponged in by the ground though her shadow remained untouched by it, just like how he owned her name but not her soul. As she felt his steps nearing her, she stuttered out the only rational thing her mind could muster up, "enna solraaga...", and he remained silent without retorting back with his usual one-liner, that would eventually put an end to the conversation then and there. His mind, in spite of all his restraint, went back to the day they got hitched together. The helplessness he saw in her then, was seen in her that very instant too. And for all unknown reasons, his heart fought back his mind for the first time asking what she ever did to deserve all the complexities her life threw at her almost daily. He, right now, wanted her to comprehend the intention behind why their family had left them alone for the night, enough of the hide and seek- her fate and the people in her life played with her.

He turned slightly in her direction and she looked away the second his eyes met hers. He cleared his throat and his words stammered in fear of the pain it would put her through, "nee thaan kadaisi nerathula varala nu sollita nu annan solluthu... unga appa varala pola... avaruku theriyave theriyaathu nu nenaikuren... un kooda thonaiku enna iruka...", the remaining got stuck up in his mouth as he saw realisation hit her senses. Her eyes furrowed and then rounded up, a layer of tear masking her otherwise crystal clear eyes. She lifted her head and she let her eyes meet his. She neither blinked nor looked away like she always does, instead she fixed him to the spot with her stark glare and he perfectly knew what that look of hers meant- anger has been her sole defense mechanism since their marriage.

Her voice sounded other-worldly when she spoke facing the ground again, "sapaadu eduthu vekuren... vandhu saapudunga...", she walked in the pathway towards the kitchen and he stood there stunned as he felt a volcano erupting from within him, seeing her maintain her composure though he could feel it in his every cell that she was hurt again deep down. Why was he even trying to quench the fire with fire itself all these days? Everything did suddenly seem so stupid in his eyes- hunger can't be dealt with more starving and likewise pain shouldn't be dealt with more hurt. He was making that exact mistake in dealing with his own wife for more than a month. Why didn't he even think of speaking a kind word to her? He had no doubt in the fact that her sufferings due to the marriage had been mountainous in comparison with his. Why did he let them live a life where a single night alone with each other felt like a nightmare? Trust was to be earned and he had failed miserably.