Fall

I. The End

I think this is the end already since after 6 years walang nangyari sa love story namin. I am a girl and he is a gay. So what do I expect? And what do you expect? Do we really think that when they (gay guys) meet a woman who they fall in love with, magiging straight sila? Of course not! Mamahalin ka nila. Pero ang pagmamahal na 'yon ay hindi sapat to make them stay or to make them faithful to you. 

"Napakajudgmental naman! Hahaha"

"Hoy hindeeee! Hahahaha. Totoong buhay lang, besh!" Sorry mga bhie. Nagtext pala si Damian. Well, we're friends naman until now. At pinapabasa ko sa kanya yung intro ng love story namin na isusulat ko nga dito sa Wattpad. Ang love story namin noong college na napakabulaklak sana, pero ayun... Natuyot din. Hahahaha

"I agree doon sa part na hindi kami magiging faithful sainyong mga babae dahil sa pagmamahal. Lol pero I don't agree doon sa 'di kami mag i-stay dahil sa love. Of course we do stay."

"Ah so, agree ka na kung naging tayo noon, hindi ka magiging faithful? Ganon ba yorn?" I replied.

"Hahahaha ang hirap iexplain e. Basta lol"

Ayan. Ganiyan siya lagi. He always makes me hang sa mga thoughts niya. Bahala na ako manghula. Hahaha! Pero okay lang. Dahil diyan, mamaya ko na itutuloy ang kwento namin. Chika ko nalang muna kung ano na ba ang set up namin ngayon. Hahahaha

So after 6 years, we still have communication. Pero hindi iyon tuloy tuloy. It's like, we still find a way to contact each other after a few years or months. Tapos, natatapos ulit. Ewan ko ba! Seasonal ata ang friendship namin. Hahaha

Sa ngayon, we are both in a relationship. 3 years na sila ng boyfriend niya. I am not just sure kung healthy ba ang relationship nila kasi ayaw niya magkwento. Minsan, magchachat siya na inis siya, ganon. Pero he still refuses to tell me why. 

Ako naman, I am now in a 5-year relationship with a guy also. And I fully accepted the fact that I and Damian are meant to be just friends only. My boyfriend, on the other hand, knows our past. Pero okay lang sa kanya kasi tiwala naman daw siya sakin. At first, of course, nagalit siya at nagduda pero he's okay now. In short, alam ng mga boyfriends namin na we're friends. 

So, these all happened 2 years ago. I was just starting to write our story back then, tapos andami niyang side comments and so I wasn't able to continue. 

Napanaginipan ko na naman siya kagabi. 

I thought we've moved on? I thought I've moved on? 

It's been fucking 8 years, men! And I still dream about him every fucking day. 

Oh, if you're gonna be asking what happened to my 5-year relationship? Well, it's all gone. Not because of Damian, but because the guy who I thought would be the man I am going to marry this year, cheated on me while we're engaged. 

Kagagaling ko lang din pala sa counselor dahil nagkaroon ako ng depression and anxiety after everything that has happened to me these past few years.  

Another question that I think you'll be asking, nasaan na si Damian? Well, bigla na lang hindi nagmessage eh so I don't know. 

In short, I am totally alone right now. Saya diba?

Hindi ko nga maintindihan kung bakit I feel like I am still in love with the memories. Ganun ba talaga kahirap kalimutan ang first love? 

Bakit paulit ulit ko pa ring naaalala ang lahat? Bakit after fucking 8 years, sobrang linaw pa rin ng lahat para sa'kin? Bakit hindi ko siya makalimutan?