After the shoot ida follows me back to the hotel so i can spend the night with her. I slide into a part of the lot that has two spots open for cars, so Ida can park next to me.
We get out the car.
Ida: This is the hotel im staying at
She starts to laugh.
Y/n: Wait, when did you check in? You could have told me you were here. We could've done something before the shoot.
We walk to the doors laughing
We walk inside the double doors and go straight to the elevators. As we are walking through I see him
Kobe: Come here.
He yells. After what had happened today, i dont want to speak to him, I barely even want to look at him. The way he speaks to me is like a command and it used to be a turn on. It still is.
Im still walking
Y/n: What do you want?
Im honestly starting to get pissed and Ida is looking uncomfortable so she starts walking toward the Cinnabon instead of the elevator.
Ida: Ill meet you back here im getting some for tonight.
Y/n: okay
Kobe: Y/n you know what i want,
Y/n: Pause
I say putting my hand up and he pursed his lips
Y/n: You dont want me, you want the thought of me, you missed when i was there for you, when i allowed you to to get over on me then you'd come back and id open my legs for you, you missed when i was your lost puppy, your second option when i put you first. Maybe we were made for each other in another lifetime. We were perfect Kobe, i fucking mean PERFECT and YOU FUCKED IT UP. You see me happier and you fuck up my head. You have this hold on me and i cant let it go. You're in the way and you need to go. Im sick and tired of being sick and tired. Im tired of missing you, im tired of unconditionally loving you and im for damn sure tired of seeing your face pop up everywhere in my mind. I love you Kobe, I loved you and when i said ill love you forever in those "vows" that i hand wrote like the songs i write, i fucking meant it. But you couldn't see it and thats okay, but you coming to me after almost 12 months, 12 fucking months Kobe, is pitiful. If you really loved me you'd let me go, work on you. Get yourself together, love me from a distance like ive done for you. If God lets it happen we'd be together again. I forgive you. Not for you but for me. I need to heal.
Kobe Is shook. His hands are shaking and he looks upset, but dis attached. Like he is trying-to feel but he can't. I put him on a pedestal when I should have put me on a pedestal and thats where i went wrong.
Y/n: I love you kobe.
I said it cause i did. Im going to always love him but not be in love with him.
I walk away from where he was standing and i start going towards the elevator. I text ida that i was heading up and she said to get my clothes and come back down to lobby. So i did. I head up and i go to my door. I slide the key across the scanner and i go in.
I see Mattia sitting on the sofa icing his wrist.
Y/n: Im staying the night in Idas room for tonight. Im just getting my clothes and tooth brush. Ill be back in the morning.
Mattia stands up and walks toward me and he stops like he is scared. My lip is cut on the side and swollen and i had to bite it for the pictures so that made it worse. He continues to come near me and you can see him hesitate. He grabs my face and lightly kisses my lips.
Mattia: Im sorry.
I know he was and i felt like an asshole but i couldn't respond the way he wanted me to.
Y/n: Why did you allow him to get the best of you? Why? Why did you have to get the final hit? Do you not understand how much this hurt me? To see you two fighting in the gym and then to physically get hit in the process? Its no such thing as "im sorry" Mattia. Yeah you feel guilty okay? But don't apologize for something you intentionally meant to do. Yes, you didnt want to hit me, but you intentionally tried to get the last hit knowing i was in the middle trying to break you guys up. Ida is waiting and i have to go.
Mattia: Do you still want this?
My heart dropped.
Y/n: Want what?
Mattia: Us. Together. You and I?
Y/n: Yes, yes i do. But i dont want to always go through this same bullshit Mattia im tired.
Mattia: You dont seem like it.
Y/n: Look okay, I want this, i want you, I want us. Im working my ass off to understand and its obviously not working. So sleep it off tonight and love me tomorrow, okay?
Mattia: Ok
