Breathe

Part 5

The first half of the day has gone by fast and when I get to lunch I spot an empty table and immediately go sit there. After about five minutes, Kris comes to sit with me.

"Guess what!" She squeals. Ew. I want to tell her to stop squealing

"What?" I go with this instead

"Sam asked me out!" She's smiling so hard I can't help but laugh.

"He better treat you right" I say in a jokingly non joking way while swinging my fists back and forth. Kris is my cloee friend so if someone hurts her, I hurt them.

"Are we still going to the library today so you can see your boo?"

I had absolutely forgot about today, but I'll still go. "Yea we're still going, and don't call him my boo." I say while making a weird face

Darius and I had been texting since that Saturday after we met eachother. He's a really hard person to text though because he's kind of dry. I'm not really good at making conversation so texting him is hard. Being on the phone with him is no better. He tried to convince me to have phone sex with him and it seems like he was a little mad when I constantly told him no. He asked to meet up with me at the library and so I agreed.

Once lunch is over, Kris and I go our separate ways to make it to class.

The rest of the day drags on. I spend my last period talking to Bianca about a bunch of random things. Once school is over I rush to the bus and sit in my usual spot in the front and wait for Kris. The bus ride is peaceful. It almost drives me to sleep.

"Oooh are you excited?" Kris says as soon as we get off the bus.

"Not really. " I answer truthfully. It doesn't really feel like anything.

She gives me a confused look and I decide to just change the subject because I don't really want to talk about it.

Next thing I know, we're at the library. I'm not really sure why he chose the library of all places, but I guess it's ok.

Kris and I sit and talk for about ten minutes until Darius arrives. The way he looks kind of upsets me. His pants are hanging below his waist, he's holding his crotch area, and he's twisting up his barely existent hair. I try not to let my disappointment on my face show.

"Hey." He says as he hugs me

"Hi." I respond. "This is my friend, Kris."

"Hello" Kris says

After that, we just sit and talk. Kris and I do most of the talking and Darius just kind of sits there looking around as if we're boring him to death or something.

"Can we go over there. " He points to the huge bookshelves with a huge smile on his face.

"Sure. " I say kind of unsure.

I follow him over to the bookshelves and as soon as we get over there, he places a small peck on my face. It causes me to smile until he then forces a full on kiss onto my lips. I haven't done this in a while. The last time I kissed someone was in 7th grade which was my first real kiss. After he grips my waist tighter, Darius slides his tongue into my mouth and as much as I don't like it, I can't stop. This goes on a little bit longer before I pul away. Darius looks a little confused. "Just one more kiss." He whines

"No. I wanna go." I walk over to the table to find Kris buried in her book. "It's time to go." I tell her

Darius pulls me in for a hug and tells me bye.

When we get outside I feel strange.

"What's wrong?" Kris asks

"Nothing." I lie

"Come on."

I almost say nothing again but I decide against it. She can tell when I'm lying

"I just thought it would be different."

"Explain."

I hate explaining myself, I feel like a complete idiot. "I just always feel so empty and I thought maybe this would help feel.. not so empty I guess. I don't know. I'm just overreacting."

"You're not overreacting, you can't help how you feel and you're not silly for thinking that." She speaks while rubbing my back.

The rest of the way home is silent, but peaceful. Kris hugs me before we part.

Once I make my way into my house, I decide to clean my room. It's too junky for me to think. Next thing you know my phone is ringing. It's Jim.

"Hey stranger." He begins the conversation.

"Hey." I respond

Afterwards he asks me what I'm doing, how my day was and things of that nature. Then there's silence. The silence is broken when he decides to speak.

"What's wrong with you?" He says

How does he know something is wrong with me, I sound perfectly normal. "Why would something be wrong?"

"You just seem like something is bothering you and you probably don't want to tell me, but I want you to know that I'm gonna always be here."

Something about what he said altered my mood. Maybe it's the fact that someone said they will be here for me. Maybe Jim and I could be really close friends. We stay on the phone for a really long time just talking about stuff. Darius even texts me a few times, but I don't respond. Darius can act like he wants me all he wants, but honestly, I know what he really wants. It's obvious. He barely attempts to make decent conversations with me.

Anyways, after Jim and I got off the phone, I decided to shower. Once I hopped out of the shower, lotioned, and slipped on my night clothes, I hear something. It sounds like crying and it's coming from my mom's room. I hurry to her door and open it to make sure she's ok. She's crying alot and her so called boyfriend is just sitting there as if nothing is happening.

"What's wrong mama?" I ask

"Nothing, I'm fine." I know she's lying. "Please just go in your room, I'm alright."

I do as I'm told even though I don't want to at first. I wonder what's wrong with her. I'm kind of worried, it looked kind of serious.

When I get back to my room, I just lay there. I find myself doing this often. My mind is everywhere. I can't even grasp my thoughts. Finally, I drift off to sleep