Dr. Coffee

Chapter One: "Good Morning, Sunshine."

"At the end of the day, it's all gonna be worth it."

I sigh as I sip the last few drops of my now-room-temperature coffee. Di ko napansin ilang oras na pala akong nakatutok sa laptop screen, trying to asorb every single information.

Hi! I'm Denise Eugenio, your future OB. Emz!

A few weeks from now will be the start of my senior year in medical school. The pressure is on especially when your brother is a successful pediatrician, runs his own private clinic and is a resident at the local hospital in their hometown. Medical school, for me, is definitely a roller coaster ride. Everyone expects me to pass every single exam and do well in my clinicals. My brother has already made a name for himself and now, sakin naman nakatutok ang LAHAT. I can't afford to fail.

"It's all gonna be worth it."

I spend most of my time studying in small coffee shops within the city usually around 5:00 pm when there are less people; making the most of my summer break.

I wasn't really feeling the coffee shop's playlist of the day and decided to listen to Spotify instead. I took out my phone and airpods, popped each bud on on my ears and played "Space Makes Me Sad" by Fiji Blue. I started doing my little dancey-dance moment the song started playing, chewing the last bits of my pecan cheesecake. Mag-10:00pm na pala. I probably should get going, patay ako kay Mama nito.

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PAGKARATING ko ng bahay, dumiretso na ako sa kwarto ko. I wanted to rest, nadrain sa buong maghapong pagrereview. I checked my phone to see if may text ba galing sa parents ko since lampas curfew ko na. Luckily, wala pa namang litanya galing kay Mama.

25 missed calls.
15 text messages, all from someone I have been avoiding for almost a week now.

Babe.

Can we talk?

I miss you.

I'm sorry, come back.

I hope you're doing okay. I miss you, baby. I can't afford to lose you.

Calling...
Greg Laviña

"BULLSHIT! Tigilan mo na ako!" Tinapon ko sa kama ang cellphone ko the moment I ended the phone call.

Kung hindi mo lang sana ako ginago edi sana okay pa tayo ngayon. You flirted with another girl. Mapa-text man yan or in person, di parin yan okay. For fuck's sake, sino bang matinong lalaki ang lalandi and sasabihing okay lang kase thru the phone lang, it's not really serious and bored ka? Two fucking years, wasted because your dick couldn't be kept in place.

I put my phone on airplane mode, placed inside the drawer sa tabi ng bed ko. All I need right now is peace and quiet. Gusto kong magpahinga. Ayoko na munang isipin si Greg, pagod na pagod na ako sa kaka-self pity. The moment I found out, ang liit na ng tingin ko sa sarili ko. I felt like I was never enough for him. He was my first boyfriend, he meant the world to me. I broke rules for him, it's as if I lost myself trying to be who he wanted. My parents loved him and treated him like their own. Tapos ganito lang? Ganon na ba kadali sakanyang itapon lahat ng memories at pinagsamahan namin just to satisfy his lustful desires? Putangina!

After taking a shower, agad akong nagpalit ng pantulog and wore a satin cap para di magbuhol-buhol ang curls ko. Di pa naman ako masyadong inaantok pero susubukan kong matulog ng maaga.

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THE next day...

"Anak, gising. May naghahanap sayo sa baba."

I quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth, my hair tied in a bun para naman magmukha akong matino. Sino ba namang gago ang bibisita ng ganito ka aga?

"Good morning, Sunshine." Kumulo agad dugo ko nang bumungad sakin si Greg, may dalang bouquet ng favorite kong sunflowers at isang venti Spanish latté.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Ganda naman ng sagot mo sa good morning ko." He teased.

"Pwede ba, Greg? Tigil-tigilan mo na ako. I have had enough. Salamat sa kape. Pwede ka nang umalis."

"Let's fix this, please?"

"Gago ka ba? After what you did, you really expect na agad-agad, papatawarin kita?"

"Just give me another chance, please."

"Pang ilang chance na ba to? Ilang beses mo na 'tong ginawa."

"But babe, I was drunk."

"Oh, so now you're blaming the alcohol? Paano yung mga times na nagloko ka when you were sober?"

His jaw clenched. I butt in as soon as he was about to say something. "Makakaalis kana, Mr. Laviña. Your presence is unwanted here."

"Fine, I'll leave. But don't expect me to stop until you finally forgive me. Tandaan mo yan, Denise."

"FUCK YOU!" I slammed the door shut. Ang aga-aga, sira na agad ang araw ko.

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"MA, bakit mo naman pinapasok ang kupal na yon?"

"Anak, mukhang sincere naman si Greg. Why don't you give him another chance?"

Pabagsak kong inilapag ang kape ko sa mesa. "Oh, so now mas kakampi ka pa sakanya kesa sa sarili n'yong anak? Are you out of your fucking mind?!"

"Denise, watch your mouth. Respetuhin mo Mommy mo, umayos ka." Ani Dad.

"Pati ba naman ikaw, Dad? You know what? Fine. Wala rin naman akong ganang magbreakfast. I'm going upstairs." Dali-dali akong umakyat ng kwarto. Gusto ko munang mapag-isa. Andami ko nang iniisip, dumagdag pa 'to.

Buong araw lang akong nagmukmok. Nawalan ng ganang maging productive. Why can't all this madness stop? Nakakainis na. Gusto kong umalis.

I got up and quickly took a shower. I wanna go somewhere quiet, gusto kong makapag-isip. Wala nang magandang nangyari these past few days.