Share with me

A Day

I stare blankly into the window desperately waiting for someone to walk through the doors of the inside pool. A day like every other where I sit and wait. This day is no different than any other I have experienced this week, I sit and wait. As a lifeguard I have to always be on the look out for someone, anyone, and help those who need it. But today like yesterday seems off. Yesterday was a bad day I was alone, not physically, but mentally, as the other two lifeguards talked about their problems I sat alone off to the side where I could not be seen nor heard. As the day went on on working from 12:00pm to 4:00pm I seemed like so much longer yet lasting but a few minutes. Disassociating every hour that went by not realizing how much time was passing. I sat and blankly watched as people swam in the pool. This is not the first time something like this has happened for it happens often. I start to do something only to realize hours upon hours have passed and my only thought would be 'where has the day gone.' I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but I wonder if it does. And often times I find myself wondering a little to much. But today, today has just gotten started and again I am alone while yes I am sitting next to two people therefore I would not be alone, but yet I feel so alone. Today, oh how so much is happening today, while you may not think it would be a lot I do. For today is my sister's birthday she turned 6 today. And the 4 month anniversary since my dog had passed away. What a happy yet such sad day. Being a lifeguard is easy or at least when there's no people to save from drowning. Sitting around doing nothing, it gets me thinking. I have rather a lot of time to think that usual. I'm not as thoughtful or poetic, I guess would be the word, as today but something just something about the quiet yet loud room the pool is in just sparked a sense of needing to write down my thoughts. Five people in the pool two kids three lap swimmers not much but something in me just wants to tell them to go away. I'm not mean and I'm not loud especially when I'm at work. Sitting on the stand for my rotation not being able to have my phone out just let my mind fill with the things I could write. And yet when I got back to the lifeguard seating it was all gone. It's funny how the mind works like that. I think of something amazing I could write or use then all of the sudden it's gone. I never understood why that happens my mind going blank. I write just to get my thoughts out but more thoughts come up and the won't go away. I don't understand how people can make their minds go blank, filled with nothing but calmness. When I try to make my mind go blank it just fills with more thoughts. Some of these thought can be good others, not so much. It's only been an hour since I got to work and it feels like I've been here all day. It's hot and I want to go home, no this place I call home isn't home at all. I don't know this place as home. Instead it's just a place to stay and rest and lay my head down at night while thoughts race through it. My home is not building its not a place where I can go inside and rest, take a shower, and eat. No my home is a person a human being. I know no other place I have felt so safe.

This book will have no plot, no story line. This book will probably make no sense to read but it makes sense to me and this is how I think feel and go through a day.