The Wait

4 Days, 12 Hours, and 25 Seconds

Have you ever felt so much pain that you feel like your heart has been ripped out, and while you clutch your chest because of the pain you have to put on a believable smile and walk down those halls. When his mother called me to tell me he died, I thought I wouldn't live, but sadly I woke up the next morning. 

He didn't get to live, so why should I. 

When people tell me "he'd want what's best for you." or "he wouldn't want you sad" do people actually think that makes you feel better? Or are they oblivious to the fact that they are digging their nails into a fresh wound. 

The idiotic sayings won't stop my crying, but dying will. 

In 4 days, 12 hours and 25 seconds...I will join my best friend in the great unknown. 

No one, not even he, could talk me out of it. Of course, if he was here to talk me out of it I wouldn't need to join him, he would already be with me. 

We were young, but we had an old kind of love. No drama, or screaming matches in the middle of the night. Just simple, sweet, pure, love. People would tell me it was never going to last and they were right, but not for the reason they thought they would be.

I saw his ex in the hallway today, I didn't know whether I should stop and say I am sorry for her loss, but then again, she didn't loose him, I did. 

Each second without him felt like a year.  

Should I call his mom? 

Every time I see her, she breaks down crying. 

I must remind her of him, and I don't want to cause her anymore pain. 

"Riley, you need to eat." my mother said in a disapproving manner. 

"I'll eat, when he's alive." 

"Riley, get over yourself. You are to young to know what real love is, you were just having fun."  She spitted it out like she had been waiting two years to say that. From the moment I introduced them, two years ago, she has hated him. 

Why would you hate someone that was so good for your daughter. 

Maybe it's because she hates me too. 

"You're right. The person that has never had a steady boyfriend, and slept with so many guys, half of the population has a chance of being my father would know exactly who can feel love! I wouldn't know what love is because I am young right? Well do you? You are considerably older than me, obviously, where's your prince charming? Oh right. You are a lonely old woman, and will continue that way until you die."  If only looks could kill. 

With the amount of hatred pumping through my veins, I figured I should leave. I wouldn't enjoy finding a spot of my dead mother to rest in peace.