hornylovesickmess (billie eilish)

alone, together pt. 2

Billie's POV:

People tried, felt so right, giving themselves good advice, looking down sometimes felt nice...

I sit across from her, watching the way her face lights up, the light behind her eyes growing brighter as she takes more sips of her coffee. I hate that I could hurt someone so pure and kind: what kind of person does that make me?

"What are you gonna do when you get back home?" she pops the question and I freeze up.

"Um, that's the thing. I came here because I had a second to breathe. But with the album, lots of promo and you know, the tour eventually. It really is like a new era of my life," I make sense of it out loud.

"How have you been doing with all of the..." she stops her sentence halfway through, hesitant.

"It's hard. I feel like every day I should just wake up and fully announce that I'm bisexual. But I've seen videos being like 'oh she had a boyfriend, she's not gay,' as if I can't like more than one gender. I know that everyone's mad at me right now, but now it's like I waited to long to come out, so I'm afraid no one's gonna believe me or they'll think I'm just faking it for publicity. To me, it just shouldn't matter. I just wanna make music and keep my life private as much as I can, especially with dating. And I know it's because I put out that music video, but it's just... I thought I was ready, I thought it could be this cool thing that shows how sexuality can be fluid and I can like girls and it doesn't have to be a big thing. And that instagram post, I thought I came out to everyone, only to find everyone hated me even more. Besides, everyone hates all the music I've put out, oh she's not like the old Billie, so nothing matters anyways," I go on a rant and stop at a moment that feels slightly okay.

Georgia pauses, taking more sips and just thinking.

"I like your new music," she smiles softly and my heart melts, feeling like that was all the validation in the world that I ever needed.

"I loved my future, when the beat changed, how it signified you were on a new journey and playing around a bit. Therefore I Am fucking slaps, I don't care. Your Power is so desperately important and I feel like I'm reading your thoughts and people need to listen a little harder, especially you, to your own words and yourself. Lost Cause, the chorus spoke to me, almost like I was writing it to you. And NDA gave me some glimpse of hope, I just, ah. I know everybody's jumping on the hate train right now, but you've dealt with it before. You're proud of what you made and I am too. And I can't fucking wait to hear what else you've got," Georgia finishes speaking and I let out a breath.

What I really cling onto is what she said about Your Power. It's like I put out what I believe is important, I gave myself good advice, but I didn't fully take it. But I could, I could, and the answer is right in fucking front of me.

"Take a chance on me, Billie. Because if you don't, I'm gone. I would say you only get this once chance, but I've given you a hundred of those. I'm the only one who hasn't left. I'm the only one who answers at 2 a.m. and I'm the only one who sees you for you just as you see me for me. I know your songs by heart and I know you like the back of my hand. I know that I'm better than the guy you've loved before, not because he's bad and I'm good, but because I love you and he never did. I'm not asking you to forget about him, I'm asking you to try to let yourself be loved in the way you deserve. That's the one thing I can offer, that's all I have for you. Take it or leave it," Georgia pours herself out on the table and I cling tight onto my napkin. I let go of it and reach into my bag.

"I have to get to the airport," I look away, wondering if I'm really about to do this. She opens her mouth and nothing comes out, not a single noise. I pull out a plane ticket, then another.

"I got these ahead of time. One is for me, and one was for you. I wasn't going to use it, because I couldn't stop telling myself that I'm bad and you're good. But I heard what you just said," I take a pause.

"And how can I be bad if... I love you too?"

I feel more vulnerable than I ever have before, waiting for an answer, waiting for her to just take my hand and run away, come back to my place and let me never let her go.

"Well, I'm in the middle of an internship, but I have been doing it online anyways... and I have to go back to school in the fall, but I could also do that remote if I had to..." she thinks it over.

Then she breathes in deep and out slow, slowly reaches across the table, and takes the plane ticket.

We take a cab to the airport after she stops at home to pack and she takes the little sticker with her name off of her coffee cup and slips it into her bag. She'll keep the boarding passes and put them in her little scrapbook because she loves the little things. It's like I'm seeing her for the first time, the elevator doors sliding open and slipping closed. Are we meant to last, or be that extended one night stand? I don't know, but I'm about to try my luck with her.

The world is over but I don't care cause I am with you...

Georgia's POV:

I'm on the plane and I look at her and I love her so much. She falls asleep and I hope when she's dreaming, she's thinking 'i love her so much.'

But I look out the window and all I can think is, she's gonna let you down.

We all like it a little different.