Death.
Everyone knows what it is past the age of 5.
It is unimaginable.
Being beaten, shot, dyeing silently in your sleep.
At the hands of you, or someone else.
Why does everyone come upon this subject?
It is not escapable.
It will come one day. And you can do absolutely nothing about it.
Why?
What happens?
You are currently living. You breathe, eat, sleep, and do many things you never thought you could do alone.
I am afraid.
Deathly afraid.
Ironic isn't it?
Nothing has ever scared me more, than death.
Think of it this way;
You are born. You live. Right now, you mind works. You make decisions, big and small. You go through life, even if it is a short time on this god forsaken world, or a long time. Loved ones die. Friends die. Everyone dies in the end. That's the scary part.
What happens?
When you die, what happens.
According to my religion, you go to heaven.
How?
I cannot comprehend, how paralyzing, brain dead, empty, this makes me feel, thinking about it.
I am alive. I am breathing, living, and oh-so-depressed. I don't show it. Not for a second.
What happens to me? When I die. Where do all my friends and family go? Will I see them again?
Am I going to be stuck in a never-ending darkness?
How does my mind and body just disappear when I die?
Suicide.
I cannot say that I haven't contemplated it before.
I shouldn't have.
I have an amazing family. A mom, dad, and a sister.
We are all happy.
I can't help but feel depressed.
What is wrong with me?
Why do I do this?
My name is Jenna. I am 15 years old. I have a family of four, including me. And my parents aren't divorced or fighting. So tell me.. Why am I so sad, and angry all the time?
I have contemplated suicide.
I almost tried. Then, my best friend. As crazy as she is, she told me if I cut myself at all, she would too. Without her, I would be dead.
Death.
A crazy, demented, scary, lonely place.
I would love to never die, only problem, I would love to get away from this hell hole we call earth.
I am a Christian-Lutheran. I have an amazing youth group that cares about me. Church family, including my grandparents always make me smile when I see them.
Why am I so sad and angry?
I have good friends.
Great even.
Why have I contemplated suicide?
Why am I afraid of death?
Why am I always so sad, angry and misunderstood?
I am depressed, insecure, self conscious, I hide behind my fears, I don't face them.
Don't be like me.
Don't turn into me.
Death.
