A Heartbreak Like No Other

Alrighty...update Take Two...

I want to start off with apologizing for not being on here much lately.

ALL of my followers ARE appreciated!! AND ~ ALL of my amazing authors that I am following & who's works that I've read or am in the midst of reading are ALL loved as well!!

Sooo...I've not been on here much because I had over a two month battle with extreme fatigue, where NONE of the Drs could figure out what was wrong with me & actually implied that it may be due to the stresses of being a single mom combined with my job. FANTASTIC!! Right?? Not. So, the ONE factor that I REALLY CAN'T change AND my source of income that I use to support my children & I are the reason that I'm too tired to get out of bed every day & after being awake for a few hours I'm whooped already. Fun fun.

After a couple months of being on an UNPAID leave of absence, (because unless your short term disability case worker deems that you are medically unable to work, you don't get paid...but none of the Drs could figure out a medical reason that I was so exhausted), I returned to work AND found out that my case worker DID approve it, so I got a lump sum of two months worth of back pay for short term disability at 60% of my income...but ALSO got hit with a HUGE chunk that went to Uncle Sam. That distant Uncle that always seems to take my money when I need it the most...

While I was going back to work to earn income because I was DESPERATELY poor after two months of NO INCOME...I was also job hunting.

After a short time of doing that, AFTER returning to work, I was blessed with a job in child care, which is PERFECT because it helps me with my kiddos!!

Well, after only working 8 days at my BRAND SPANKIN NEW job, I had to call off because my son had a fever. Which was just a few days AFTER I found out that BOTH my grandparents in Ohio (on my bio-dad's side) were rapidly declining in health & if I wanted to see them alive & coherent I needed to go back to visit NOW. So I asked my new boss & she said, "Oh honey, if you've got to go, Go!" So, I worked two more days & proceeded to fly to Ohio with my two munchkins (with plane tickets my mom bought for us), miss three days of work & got to see my Oma.

I returned to my NEW job, worked 3 more days & then had to call off on the following Monday because my princess had pink eye in BOTH eyes... Yay, right?? And THEN she got a double ear infection!! My kids are NEVER sick, but apparently NOW was the time. Fortunately my boss understood & I returned to work the next day, but the following day, I missed a couple hours of work because I had my kiddos at the Drs office.

The remainder of that week went smoothly, but the following Monday morning, February 9th, my Opa passed away, at the ripe young age of 94.

Then on the morning of Friday, February the 20th, my Oma passed away, at the ripe young age of 97.

Life was too busy for me to cry & I didn't begin to mourn her death until that Saturday, when I wrote a tribute to her & posted it on my fb profile.

But that wasn't all...Sunday morning, I awaken to the oldest of my three younger brothers telling me in person that our youngest brother committed suicide the previous day...but his TOD was documented as being on February 22nd when the coroner got there. He was my baby... When he was born I was 9 years old & when he began to walk & talk, he called me "Mommy". For all 27 years of his life, if my mom wasn't taking care of him, I was. (For those of you who are excellent with numbers, I'm aware that I'm giving my age away...) We all traveled up to Ohio for his calling hours & memorial service. I missed another week & a half of work. I have THE MOST AMAZING BOSS EVER!! Hopefully NOW I'll be able to STOP missing work & get my classroom in order. But it's not easy to truly focus on my life at hand... His death has hit me hard. REALLY hard... Grieving this type of a death is so different on so many levels... I can't even BEGIN to describe it... I've lost my first baby, a piece of my life, a portion of my heart that I will NEVER get back... Every day is a new day. A new day that *I* wake up & MY life goes on. A new day that he is GONE. A new day that I make so busy that I don't think...because when I think, I cry, I bawl 😭 like a newborn baby, I stalk his fb page just to SEE him ONE MORE TIME, I listen to the last voicemail he left me...and my heart breaks again, all over... Anything that I had thought was a heartbreak before, doesn't even BEGIN to hold a candle to this... And each day is ALSO a new day to see the sadness in my children's eyes, as they know that they are minus an uncle now. I carry the heartbreak of THREE as we grieve, but also strive to cherish the memories we have & BOY do I WISH I'd have taken pictures of him WITH my kids the last time we were together!! I NEVER thought that that would be the last time I saw him. 😢

So ~ I apologize for not being in touch, for not expressing appreciation to my followers, for not posting more of my poetry, for not reading, voting for & supporting the works of my beloved authors. As you can see, I've had a "fun" past 6 months. I certainly hope that that was my storm & now it'll be calm again... I WILL be back. I LOVE Wattpad!! But for now, it's going to be intermittent at best.

Much love & appreciation to all who take the time to read this!!