I'm starting from the middle, because the introduction to this story would be long and cumbersome. I'm starting from the point where everything got worse.
I hate everything about me. I hate my strawberry blonde hair, my pale green eyes and my fair skin. I hate how people push me and how I feel unwanted in my own home. At the age of 16 I realised I was bisexual, alone, and wanting to die. I look in the mirror everyday and cover myself in make up and other beauty products that are meant to make you look beautiful or for me just alive. As soon as I get home from school everything comes off.
My make up, my ugly navy uniform, my shield. And I cry until my face hurt an my pillow is dripping then I fall asleep wishing something was different.
But it never changes, I keep living the cycle everyday of my life. I wake up content with the world, happy to be alive and then school hits me. Reality hits me and I realise I don't know why in here. Don't get me wrong this may have to do with the I have no idea what I'm doing I'm a teenager thing but I think this is different, much much different.
My parents have always pushed me to getting good grades, but at a scary level, I tried running away when I was 13 because I got a "C" in a single science test. Now I've gotten my first term reports and it's not good. I'm failing a class. An almost failing two others. I don't know who they will react or what the hell they are going to do, I'm praying that I don't bruise this time. I'm hiding in the bathroom crying my eyes out, picking out everything I hate about myself. And I realise why I surround myself with people, because I feel alone and unloved at home. Maybe the reason I try so damn hard all the time is because I don't want to fail myself.
I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe I'll just end it and see how it goes from heaven.
