The Underlife Of Jane Gibbeth

Chapter 1

Sometimes, when I see my reflection, I don't recognise the person looking back at me.
I wrinkle my nose an screw up my eyes, an pull a cheesey grin, then I give the reflection a filthy look. Don't you dare mess with me. Then I nod at myself and walk away.
Sometimes i deliberately don't look. Today was one of those days.
I hastily scrubbed at my teeth, threw the toothbrush back and kicked the cupboard door shut noisily as i stomped impressively out the door not bothering to pick up my towel or clothes. And walked right into her.

She nearly dropped the bundle of clean washing she was carrying as a look of pure fury crossed her face.

"Loose the attitude Jane!" She hissed in my face. It came out as almost a growl. Immediatley I felt about 2 inches tall and i did loose the attitude. Along with all of that feeling of detached, careless-nothing-is-going-to-bother-me-today that i had been mustering up to deal with what was ahead of me.

I stammered "S-s-sorry..." and scooted out of the hallway, grabbing my bag on my way out the front door. "HEY!" She called after me. Great. I pursed my mouth infrustration, wincing slightly as i made the split second decision to either pretend i hadn't heard and keep walking as fast as i could or stay and face her. But i knew it wouldn't be worth it, to keep going before my morning got any worse. For one, it was a loud enough 'hey' that i knew she knew i had heard. For another, even if I actually hadn't heard and kept walking i would be in trouble anyway. I worked to wipe the look of resentment from my features that I knew was threatening to break through as I turned around, gritting my teeth.

"Are'nt you a little early this morning Jane?" She actually sounded like she was being nice. Well to anyone else listening, they would have thought so. I struggled to keep my face smooth and blank. I glanced at my watch as if to check the time, though i knew exactly what it was and no doubt so did she.

"Ah, no. No, I'll be right on time if i leave now. It's ten past." I managed to reply steadily, though my heart had started to thump unevenly.

She held my eyes, searching. I waited, trying not to hold my breath.

"Um, is there something you need, or something..?" The words tumbled out of my mouth.

"No. But you could pick up some bread and milk on your way home." I puzzled on the way it was said, like a dare not to. I didn't have any money except what i had saved to get some new art supplies. Saved by going without lunch at school. But now i was cornered. If i asked for money for the bread and milk and came home with new art stuff, i would be fried. If I stood here arguing about it,  would be late. It was a dare to argue, a dare to ask, a test to see if i had any money. I knew it, somewhere at the back of my mind. I wasn't going to let her make me late again. "Fine. Can I go now?" I grumbled in a deep voice half scowling at the floor. Damn it, i hadn't meant it to come out like that.

"Of course.." She purred, smiling sweetly. But her eyes didn't smile along with her mouth, i noticed again. She didn't take her eyes off me as I awkwardly turned and walked out the door without looking back. I felt her eyes as if they were burning into my back, all the way 2 blocks down the street untill a thick copse of greenery blocked her view. And then I had this strange, sudden impulse to crawl into the damp earth between the thick glossy bunches of wet dark green leaves. The way you see water beading and dribbling down a glass of cold water on a hot dry day and it looks like the most delicious thing in the world in that moment.

I risked a glance over my shoulder to ensure I was truly out of view. It was weird how I knew that I was already, like a wash of relief as soon as the greenery had broken her gaze. I felt drained from the intense encounter, as usual, and I knew I wasn't ready to face the day just yet. Just a quick break to have a few deep breaths and pull myself together. So i sat, first on the edge of the retaining wall of the garden, and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I coud smell the clean, damp earth; the loam and mulch, the eucalyptus in the crunchy brown leaves piled around, and the fresh wet herby scent of the weeds spilling over the edges as the leaves were crushed by my hands. I opened my eyes to the sparkle of sunlight off the glossy leaves of the bushes, glistening on the droplets of moisture that still clung from the morning dew. I leaned my head back on a thick gnarled old trunk of a branch and watched a column of tiny ants about their business... the musical echo of birdlife filtered down from the canopy above bringing with it whispers of the higher branches in the light breeze. The urge to get closer to the rich earth became too strong to resist, the delicious feeling of relaxation and peace coursing through my muscles right down to my toes. Smiling, I swung my legs up and shimmied further into the greenery between two thick old tree trunks, spreading out flat on my back to gaze at the patches of blue and sunshine, wisps of white cloud, and the gentle swaying of the branches against the sky.

I never wanted to have to move again. Suddenly nothing seemed nearly as important as this moment, soaking in every bit of it possible and never letting anything come between me and that delicious feeling ever again. I knew i should be at school by now, but it didn't matter anymore. Something had changed, completely and irreversibly in that infinite seeming moment.

But then the horror of the consequences of being caught shattered my dream state, It felt as if everything got darker and heavier and i scrambled out of those bushes, and bolted for school.

A tiny, curious face peering around the gnarled old trunk caught the corner of my eye as i ran, but I didn't stop to think about it.