You say I'm fighting.
I say I'm getting my ass beat.
You say I'm strong.
I say I'm weak.
You say sometimes I win.
I say sometimes I live.
You say sometimes I lose.
I say sometimes I die.
You say stay alive.
I say I'm trying.
You say close my eyes.
I say I can't.
Life won't let me do that.
Everyone expects me to see.
Everyone expects me to work.
I can't just wait for it to go away.
It won't.
You say find something to cheer me up.
I say I've seen it all.
You say get something to eat.
I say I'll vomit if I do.
You say go to bed.
I say I already did.
Several times.
You say my friends will help.
I say my friends will get hurt.
You say I'm worth saving.
I say what about me is worth saving?
What skills do I have that someone else can't learn?
What can I say that no one else can?
I've been lying as long as I can remember,
Is there no one else who can do that to you?
You say my life is sacred.
I say I'm replaceable.
You say don't give up.
I say go fuck yourself.
I'm not even giving up on anything important.
You say it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I say if I don't use a permanent solution
Your so-called temporary problem will be back.
You say suicide isn't the only way.
I say I know that but it's the easiest way.
You say there's a demon in my head.
I say I am that demon.
It's me. My thoughts.
The things that used to keep me going.
Keep me working.
Keep me functional.
I can't just get rid of it.
It's all I have.
You say I look calm.
I say that's my secret, I'm always panicked.
You say walk it off.
I say my legs are broken.
You say pull yourself together.
I say what self?
You say there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
I say the tunnel bends, how the hell would you know that?
What if the tunnel's collapsed?
What if it never existed?
You say you understand.
I say you don't.
You wouldn't say all this if you did.
I don't need your metaphors.
I don't need your predictions of the future.
I need you to put your arm around me and say it's okay.
That's all I need to hear.
You say speak up.
I say I'm yelling myself hoarse.
You say shut up.
I don't know how to respond to that except with humor
So I say uno reverse.
And then I shut up.
It's okay.
You don't have to hear from me anymore.
Resources for depression: https://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/guide/resources/
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-662-4357
