The Woman in the Letter

CHAPTER 3 Unknown PART 37

NATALIE

I was scared. I already knew that Paul was closer than I thought. I was worried about my family, not about myself. I was exhausted. I was shaking as if I was taking my last breath. There was no result, and the questions raised more questions.
I put the flowers neatly on the mother's grave. I feel like I carry the Black Clouds with me. Occasionally, there were days when everything was meaningless. But this time it was different. I wanted to talk to my mother. I wanted to share everything I had with Her. I wanted to hug her tightly and show her how much I regretted the little things I had hurt her at this age. I wiped the tears from my cheeks with my hand.
I took a deep breath. "I don't know what to do." I pressed my lips. All my feelings were numb. "I want to close my eyes and put an end to everything...Everything. To die... To disappear. I ... I'm not strong. You know I'm not that strong, mom" Tears welled up in my eyes. "I can't do it. I can't do without you. I can not get over it. One second. I just need seconds with you. I am ready to sacrifice the rest of my life to see you for the last time "
"He would be very disappointed to see you like this"
I turned around. He put his hands in the pockets of his dark brown jacket. I squeezed my eyes and wiped away the tears that prevented me from seeing.
"You ..."
"I need to know where you are for your safety until we find Paul. If I scared you, excuse me" he said, approaching me. "Your mother would like to see you stronger. I'm sure of it "
I did not say anything to Ian. But he understood from the cold expression on my face that I did not agree with him.
"I am also a parent. When children are young, they think of their parents as the most powerful people in the world. When they grow up, they realize that their parents do not have the same extraordinary powers as other people. The opposite is true for parents. When you are a child, you are the most delicate and fragile creature in the world for us. But as we grow older, we believe our kids are the strongest, most successful people in the world. Perhaps for a parent, a child's weakness is the biggest shock to him in the world. "
"Everything happened suddenly" I rubbed my eyes with both fingers "I'm in a nightmare"
"You have to be strong"
"I'm trying ... But ... I don't think so"
"Sometimes we don't have a choice. We just have to fight. Now you are living in this stage "
I looked into Ian's eyes. No matter how much he tried to comfort me, the uncertainty in us was obvious.
"Any news?" I asked.
"There is"
I waited for it to continue. But I did not have enough patience. "Paul is found?"
He looked away from me and looked around at the graves.
"Ms. As I told you. You have to be strong "
Slowly he took his right hand out of his pocket. He handed me the paper in the transparent package.
First I looked at his hand. Then I looked at his face.
"It's ..."
"The second letter," he said.
He handed me the paper. I looked at him and picked up the letter. When he looked at me, he was just as anxious and excited as I was. "Yes, the second crime," he said.
The letter, printed on the phone, seemed to be covered in blood. With trembling hands, I grabbed the letter by the edges and opened it.

"I know it's hard for you, too. It's hard for you to wake up every day without me. I feel you. I feel your love, your care, your thinking of me. I can't express in words how difficult it is for me to be without you. I know. You don't want us to keep in touch like that. But so far, this is the only way I can be close to you. I know you want to hear from me at any cost, darling. I understand. You are proud, you pretend to be angry with me. Although I can't get close to you, I feel it. Because I believe we share the same soul. But don't worry. This is temporary. I promise you. I will be the last person you see when you close your eyes and the first person you see when you wake up in the morning. A little patience, my dear. I love you very much

PAUL..."