A Gun To My Heart

21

My knees hit the ground as tears streams down my face again. He puts his arms around me calmly, removing the hair covering my eyes. I close my eyes, and instead of pushing him away, I just sit in his embrace.

His embrace feels safe and comfortable. A few days ago, I remember telling myself that I didn't want any warmth from anyone anymore. But that wasn't true.

I lied to myself and believed it until now.

Warmth and affection are everything I have needed for a long time. I just didn't know it. I pushed it away. I pushed everyone trying to help me away. Only to freeze in the cold.

We're sitting here in silence. The view in front of our eyes is the exact contrary of what's happening. Even though my tears are escaping the cage I tried to make, it feels peaceful.

I'm just letting them escape. Not fighting against them. Not exhausting myself. I wish it happened to me. I wish I could escape from the cage I'm in. But it won't happen. And it pains me to know it. It pains me to know that nothing can make it happen. I can never escape this twisted reality.

*

I wake up in my bed and look outside. It's dark and the flowers outside are glowing, just like the flowers on my desk. My gaze turns to the note on the bedside table.

I'm eating dinner with dad and your mom. You don't need to join us, I'll bring some food to you when we're done.

I slump back in the bed and stare up at the ceiling. Looking at the glass painting over me trying to remember how it felt before I fell asleep. His touch was gentle, and how it was the most peace I've had in a while.

Shortly afterward, the door opens and I see Aries with a plate of food in his hands. His eyes widen, as he comes closer and puts the plate on the bedside table.

"Oh, you're awake."

I nod, as I eat the warm food. He sits on the edge of the bed and looks on the ground thinking. I wonder how he's doing. Before he went to eat dinner his shirt was all wrinkled, and his hair was messy.

But now he looks perfect. Just because he had to eat dinner with his dad and my mom. I wonder if he feels pressure to be perfect all the time. He's going to be a leader. He's going to lead a country.

"I just wanted to apologize for the conversation we had in my room about the cameras, " he says quietly still looking at the floor.

And I want to apologize for calling every leader heartless and cold. About calling you heartless and cold.

"Apology accepted."

His wide eyes meet mine and the corners of his mouth are turned up, revealing a slight smile.

"Really?"

I chuckle as I nod and his face lights up revealing his cute dimples. I stand up from the bed and put my slippers on. He looks at me with confusion as I walk towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

His feet follow me out of the room, towards the exit hall. Something feels weird about him after what happened. After him embracing me. I'm not used to it.

"Maeve, where are you going? It's a bit late."

I continue walking out of the building, and let the cold breeze touch my face. He stops following me, now standing at the entrance.

"Maeve. Get back."

I snicker at his effort to make me go back. He's afraid. I follow the smell of seawater and walk through a small dark forest.

"Maeve, this is not a good idea, " he says finally choosing to follow me. Birds are chirping and the pathway is small. Plants are growing delicately up from the ground, as lights are beaming through their petals. Soon we're in front of the beach. I take my slippers off as I run from Aries on the fine sand.

Feeling the more powerful wind, breezing towards us. He shouts something to me but I can't hear what he's saying. He's too far away. Now I'm just running, letting my bare feet touch the sand. Running towards the water feeling something other than a cold concrete floor.

I stop, letting my hair flow gracefully in the wind. Looking at the beautiful moon shining in the sky. And the beautiful stars shimmering everywhere. Aries is now standing next to me, panting as I'm laughing. I feel free as the wind blows in every possible direction. Even though we can still see the Sarjia building behind us.

In the dark, the sharp glass shards look deadly. It's weird to think about how dangerous they make the building look in the dark. When the sun is out, they make beautiful rainbows. But when the darkness arrives they turn into destructive weapons.

I move towards the cold water.

"What are you doing, Maeve?"

I turn around as water rises towards my waist. He looks terrible. His hair is now chaotic and his shirt isn't tucked in as it used to be. I smile as I turn around from him again, swimming in the ocean. Letting myself come in contact with the waves. Enjoying the light from the moon touching me.

"I'm swimming!" I shout and lean my head back, letting my hair get all wet. Ruining my perfectly curled hair. Letting water fill into my ears, removing every sound other than water itself. I close my eyes as I float underwater, letting the water absorb me completely. Feeling like I'm floating in complete silence.

Rest.