A Spark of Hope

Chapter 5- Was She Good Enough?

Layla groaned, rubbing her eyes. She had been staring at a blank sketchpad for what seemed like ages. When did painting become so hard? Every idea just wasn't good enough... It never seemed to be enough. Why wasn't it enough?

Layla touched her pencil to the blank page once more and that's when all those doubtful thoughts came rushing back. They were always there, like a shadow following her every move.

"If your father won't support you, who will?"

"Do you really think that's good?"

Layla bit her lip at the attempted sketch. "It's just an idea." she whispered.

"An idea that's garbage."

"Do you seriously think you're good enough?"

"Look at yourself!"

Layla glanced towards the mirror that stood at the corner of the room. She felt the urge to walk towards it, so she did. She could clearly see all her flaws on display.

"What's wrong with the way I look?"

"Your hair is a mess."

Her hands fell to her tangled hair. Had it always been that frizzy?

"Why do you eat so much?"

Was she always that fat? Had she really not noticed? She cradled her stomach, just wanting it to shrink, to be skinny like it once was. Or was it ever?

"Your face is covered in acne! Why don't you wash it?"

Suddenly all her pimples stuck out more than they usually did. The voices were right, it was disguising. And no matter how much she washed her face they were always there. After all bad acne ran in her family.

"Stop." She spoke aloud, feeling the tears beginning to form. 

"You have no style, all you wear is jackets!"

Her fingers picked at the lose threads of her jacket. Suddenly it felt uncomfortable. Why? She loved jackets, they made her feel like herself. Was that wrong?

"Why don't you wear makeup?"

She looked down, not even wanting to see her face. It was true, she was ugly without makeup. But it had never really bothered her before. So why did it now?

"I said stop!" she shouted, covering her ears in an attempt to silence the thoughts. Not that it ever did anything.

"You know I'm right."

"I'm always right."

Layla couldn't fight back the tears anymore, she just couldn't. Without another thought she texted Hope, praying she would answer. 

"Meet at spot emergency."

Then she climbed out her window, her vision blurred by the tears that covered her eyes. As soon as her feet met the ground she ran. She ran until she could see their park. Had Hope seen the message? Or was she all on her own?

The tears just kept coming, even as she saw the stars. Usually they always brought comfort. But somehow that comfort just didn't come.

"They're right... I'm nothing."

"Look past the stars!"

Layla looked up once more, muttering to herself. "Cassiopeia Pisces... Aries... Andromeda...."

"You have no talent, you don't deserve a dream!" Somehow the voices seemed quieter, if even by the slightest bit.

"Pegasus... Orion..." she continued, attempting to take deep breaths.