[VENT] Journey of Recovery

Context

So, if there's anyone aside from myself reading, you may not be aware but I used to have a serious cutting problem. The cuts themselves weren't severe, it was just how frequently I cut and how many cuts there were. I am current 1 year, 5 months, and 10 days clean. I am starting this book because today (July 30th, 2021) I came dangerously close to relapsing. By the way, my family is aware of the near-relapse and the former habit and I did deal with that in therapy when I was first recovering. I regret starting cutting so much but holy shit it became addicting immediately. I first did it to slowly prepare myself for suicide but the second I started, it instantly became a unhealthy coping mechanism rather than suicidal. I actually had kept a long of how often I cut and when while I was cutting. I don't know where it is and I don't want to, frankly. I do remember that it took a month for someone to report it. Those who knew either didn't want to go against my wishes or didn't care about me. Finally, one of my friends told the school counselor and I was forced to stop. This friend... I honestly had no idea he cared because he's also autistic and doesn't express his emotions or really talk (by choice). I literally owe my life to him and I'll forever be grateful for him reporting me. Anyways, you can all ignore this since this is a vent. Do be careful moving forward if you don't as I may get into more graphic detail or discuss things like dr0wn1ng, h4ng1ng, etc. Please, do not worry about me at all as this will only be written in while I am calm. I always immediately try to go to my mom, my boyfriend, or my friends when I get the urge to relapse. At least one person will be able to respond immediately.